Two Years Out

[pushit]

This week marks two years since my own personal D-Day.  I remember when I marked the one year anniversary I wrote that I was about 80% of the way back to myself.  I now know that was incorrect, I was maybe 40% at the time.  Now, happily, I can report I'm closer to that 80% mark.  Anxiety levels have dropped, and I've regained confidence in my decision making.  I'm certainly not upset that I'm not back at 100% yet, I went through hell and it takes time to heal.

On forums like this I've read about how you "find yourself again" once you recover from the hell of a PD relationship.  That is certainly true, but I think it actually goes one step further.  You will find yourself again, but you also find a better version of yourself that is no longer willing to put up with toxicity from others.  Speaking for myself, it's been a funny realization that the answer was always right in front of me.  Just cut the toxic people out of your life and you will be happier.  Just stop interacting with them because they only bring you down.  For me, it took a marriage with one massively toxic person to make me realize who I want in my life and who I don't.  Zero regrets about the experience.  I didn't choose my FOO, and I didn't realize how my FOO set me up for a marriage to a PD.  I'm happy that I woke up and now I know what I know.  The past is what it is, and I can move forward stronger and set my kids on a better path.

I didn't write this to talk about myself, I want to speak to those who are still in the throes of their PD relationship and not sure how to leave.  If you want to leave, just do it.  Take the leap off the high dive platform.  I can assure you it is so so so so completely worth it on the other side.  Two years ago I was completely freaked out about not seeing my kids again.  Today, I have a better relationship with my kids than I ever did before, because that toxic person isn't here to disrupt all our great times together.  Two years ago I jumped at the sound of the garage door opening, because I knew everything would be wrong no matter what I had done.  Tonight I'm watching a sporting event with a cold beer in hand and silence and peace in my house.

Life is short.  Please go make a great life for yourself and enjoy it. 
Cheers, Friends.

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations!

[LiftingFog]

Happy anniversary, and well done!!

[GettingOOTF]

Happy Anniversary.  It's so great that you shared this. Stories like this help so many.

I always say it's impossible to understand how great life on the other side is when you are still in the PD relationship. We are scared of so many things that we really don't need to be. It took me years to leave and a the time I never could have imagined how happy I'd be and how much I'd love my life. Every day is better than the last. 

[Mintstripes]

Congrats!!!
Just over 3 years out for me and I've never regretted it once.

Enjoy the life you've made for yourself

[ploughthrough2021]

Thank you for that. I ve been thinking of leaving my uPDW and your note gives me encouragement

[Simon]

Congrats.

You're right about finding yourself again when you get out, and that it is indeed a better version of yourself, a wiser and happier, "never to be fooled again" version.
And the funny thing is, because the abuse was so passive (for most) and subtle, we didn't even know that we'd lost ourselves until we were out.

I wouldn't recommend anyone going through one of these relationships, but when you do, and you come out the other side, it's life-changing.

Today, I have a better relationship with my kids than I ever did before, because that toxic person isn't here to disrupt all our great times together.  Two years ago I jumped at the sound of the garage door opening, because I knew everything would be wrong no matter what I had done.  Tonight I'm watching a sporting event with a cold beer in hand and silence and peace in my house.

That comment says it all.
That's how life should be.
Stress-free, toxic-free, and peaceful.

Well done.

[Kat54]

Congratulations Pushit! You are so so right about finding yourself again. It's been getting better and better everyday for myself. Almost one year out since divorce was finalized. I've had days missing my kids so badly and angry with my ex rehashing stupid stuff in my head. It's less and less with  finding the new me and loving my new house I bought.
Absolutely no regrets tossing him out of my life and will never again let toxic negative, angry people take me down like he did.
Love This Life!

[bohemian butterfly]

This makes me so happy!!!  Thank you for the update!  So glad you are doing well!!!

[2nice]

Mint stripes I remember u. It's so hard to jump over to this side at the time but once u do it's easier being over here!!

[Lauren17]

Thank you for posting this.
I'm at the very beginning. Have my first attorney appointment coming up and I'm a nervous wreck. Reading these posts from others helps.