Pictures in their house

[bumblebee44]

I haven't posted here in awhile.  But as an update, my mil and bil both seem to have ubpd/Npd and have made my life miserable for the last 10 years.

Recently my husband convinced me to visit his parents and take our two small children for a quick coffee.  The house is filled with pictures everywhere of my sil, bil and their dog.  My husband and him with our children.  There was 1 picture of me and it was on a day that my mil took a picture I didn't want her to take and I will admit I'm looking into the camera with an ugly mean look on my face.  This was the only picture in the house that I'm in and I'm sorry but I know this wasn't an accident.  I know when guests and family come she can show them what I look like and people can see a picture reference to the demon dil she tells them she has. 

I know also I can't say anything about it because then I sound crazy.  I've since gave them updated family photos where we are all smiling but interestingly enough - she refuses to put those up! 

Why are these people so crazy making

[Hilltop]

Yep I'd be annoyed too. However I think you are underestimating other people's intelligence. It's the fact that she has ALL those other photos, smiling,  nice and only one bad one of you that paints a picture. 

People will see through that.  They will see only one photo of you and know it's a bad one.  No nice person would display that.  They will notice it doesn't get updated. 

I would be tempted to take another photo and change it while I was there but in reality I would never be able to go through with that.  I'm sorry,  I get how awful that would be but it does say more about her.  Still even as I type that I'm annoyed for you. 

[Pepin]

Ugh, this would drive me crazy.  In my case, PDmil has one marriage picture up of each of her children, therefore there is one of me and DH.  DH wanted me to give her a brag book after we were married.....that never happened.  She also has pictures of all the grandkids up on her fridge.....I hate it that there are old pictures up of our kids.  And then the dreaded photo Xmas card that we do....she honestly doesn't deserve one and should get a generic card instead.  UGH!!!!  I totally get what you re going though.

We have no photos up of her in our home....only our kids and us.  I would love to delete any digital ones of her and to shred any printed ones that we have....oopsie, maybe I will!   

[DesertRose]

I can relate to this. And it is weird that she would leave the bad and outdated lucite on display esp after you provided her with others. At a gut level you know something is up especially in context of the rest of your relationship with her. I'm sorry she's not treating you with the respect you deserve as her DIL.

My SIL does things like this. She gives us photo based gifts that include lots of pictures of her, my kids, my husband, and maybe 3-5 (about of about 50-70 in total) which include me. There is no point in taking about it. I wouldn't mention this in general anyway, but if I did, SIL's favourite tactic is playing stupid and pretending she "just didn't know" in innocence. Then she would pretend to be the victim and I would be cast as petty and ungrateful and insensitive. As I said I wouldn't tend to mention something like this anyway, but it's impossible not to notice and you are correct in what you sense as something being off with your MIL's pictures. Anyone who hasn't experienced this sort of thing might not get it and might say "oh just give benefit of the doubt". But they are wrong. They just don't get it.

[bumblebee44]

I can relate to this. And it is weird that she would leave the bad and outdated lucite on display esp after you provided her with others. At a gut level you know something is up especially in context of the rest of your relationship with her. I'm sorry she's not treating you with the respect you deserve as her DIL.

My SIL does things like this. She gives us photo based gifts that include lots of pictures of her, my kids, my husband, and maybe 3-5 (about of about 50-70 in total) which include me. There is no point in taking about it. I wouldn't mention this in general anyway, but if I did, SIL's favourite tactic is playing stupid and pretending she "just didn't know" in innocence. Then she would pretend to be the victim and I would be cast as petty and ungrateful and insensitive. As I said I wouldn't tend to mention something like this anyway, but it's impossible not to notice and you are correct in what you sense as something being off with your MIL's pictures. Anyone who hasn't experienced this sort of thing might not get it and might say "oh just give benefit of the doubt". But they are wrong. They just don't get it.

Thank you so much for this!  It's so true.  I can never mention anything (and honestly I don't care if she has pictures of me - it's just so obvious what she's doing that it's crazy making) but saying something automatically puts me into the "crazy" seat and she will have another weapon to use against me.  I can picture it now! "Oh the picture I have up of her isn't good enough"! 

So for a lot of reasons I won't say anything but I'm grateful I can come to this site to vent!

[Adria]

They can be so cruel.  My mother in law left my husband's wedding picture up with his first wife for a whole year when I married dh.  Dh told me she couldn't stand his first wife.  She never in 30 years posted me and dh's wedding picture.

[Breakthrough]

I haven't been to my inlaws house in years (they live far and prefer to visit us, mostly because I don't feel comfortable staying at their house and I am pretty sure they would be super offended if we stayed in a hotel).  I don't know that my MIL has updated her photos in years, but she did send us a framed family photo, I think I look awful, it was taken when I was very sleep deprived, my husband thinks it's a good family pic and I think she meant well.  She's the NPD in my life, but she has some redeeming qualities, though nearly ended my marriage with her antics.  I am pretty sure your MIL's guests would all see through her though.  I am so sorry you have to deal with that flagrant level of toxicity.

[P&K]

This sounds like my in laws!
But they have about 12 photos (in full portrait size and framed!) of my dh that I personally took and they took off social media.
It's super messed up.
My sil and her ex only had one each too.

Can we say emotional incest?

Pretty sure our wedding photos were thrown away, even the nice book we had made for them.  I give photos too, they get rejected and then whines that they don't have photos.
Two words for that psycho. Can you guess what they are?

Currently NC, dh lc. Hope it stays that way.

People will see it for it is. It's great when they comment too! I'm sorry you have to cope with this, hugs if you want them.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Hah my parents would do that one too! Pull photos off my social media and get them printed. As if they were their photos. It was photos of stuff that they weren't even present for, and had no connection with.