How do you cope with rejection? (work, business, friends..)

[MarlenaEve]

Hi all.

It's my first time posting here, and I think this topic ties really well into how we were raised by our families.
Whenever I am rejected (openly or covertly) for a job or even in social relationships (I recently had an acquaintance going 'silent' on me or ghosting me without giving me any reason. (I know people ghost others often, I've done it too, but I didn't even know this person and after a few casual phrases sent to each other she disappeared.)

So, when you receive an obvious rejection from work (if you work or are looking for work), people you want to date, or just friends or acquaintances, how do you deal with it? I was recently rejected from jobs I really loved and I sincerely feel so unwanted, so bad at what I do and so unworthy now.

I am working hard daily to change my mindset by doing meditations, guided meditations, nighttime affirmations, journaling, etc and I think my boundaries are pretty good. Yet, I still feel bad whenever I fail at something. Don't know how to look at it. I know many people get a lot of rejections and fail a lot before getting their ideal job or succeeding at their business or projects. I know it in theory but in practice... I don't know it well.
The rejection feels like my mother's critical voice telling me 'I told you you won't succeed'-how can you say this to your own child?

Anyway, how do you cope?

[BefuddledClarity]

I just tell myself there's always something better out there and not to give up.

I used to feel TERRIBLE after rejections...The way I was raised, my mother expected perfection, otherwise I wouldn't receive her love nor approval.

It took me a while to break out of that to be honest. I just remind myself she has NO control over my life, I'm an adult now, it's okay to make mistakes, it won't be the end of the world! There's always something better out there. Take baby steps at a time.

It felt terrible when I was unemployed for a couple months and felt bad that I went back to retail---when I was seeking a different type of job. But after retail, it propelled me to tech call center, then over to call center finance field that pays good. I'm still not satisfied, but I keep pushing myself and say "it will get better".

As far as ghosting goes...I was ghosted from a best friend since grade school and was a bit upset at first but got over it. Then as I got older, I became the "ghosted". Went through depression and anxiety, but didn't want to talk to my friends because I felt like a burden, I also loved around a lot...I would just say, ghosting may not always be personal---its not really about you but the other person.

I guess...It's a bit like changing your mindset and keep telling yourself it's okay until you believe it. I know it sounds easier than done, it's just takes time. It took me long time to get to the point I am now.

[notrightinthehead]

Rejection - it used to feel like the ground under me disappeared. It sent me into a tailspin, I froze up totally, and it took days, sometimes weeks, to recover. 
Now the time is much shorter and recently I experienced rejection and was amazed how well I coped, I just did not take it personally.
Reading Pete Walker's "From surviving to Thriving" helped me a lot. It taught me to recognize that my trauma response was triggered, to allow myself time and space to move through the trauma response, to be mindful, kind, and patient with myself and to make a mental note how long it took this time to go through the spiral.
It helped me so much to accept that this is how I respond when triggered, remove the focus from the triggering event, and take this as an opportunity to do some good self care.

[Happypants]

As notrightinthehead has mentioned, not taking it personally really helps.  I've rejected others in the past, and looking back, in most cases it wasn't personal unless there had been out and out conflict.

With regards to rejection through work, I think you're definitely doing all the right things by generally focussing on self-care on the side.  I'm trying to build up regular work in an industry that's low pay/high competition (especially at the moment with COVID and job losses).  The more work i put in, the harder and faster the rejections come - there's an obvious parallel between the quantity of work pitched for, and the possibility of rejection. 

This is where awareness and self care comes in (i hope this helps):

I've accepted my limitations (health issues relating to brain fog and concentration, fatigue due to mild depression);

I know that being in contact with parents on the same day/week as work rejection is a big no-no if i want to have the mental capacity to get over the rejection and continue looking for work (two work rejections, my father ending up in hospital due to a heart problem though he's okay thank goodness, my mother's comments  , all over the course of the past week have floored me and left me with a brain that has stopped working  );

I try to take the negative rumination/self-doubt and work on myself - constantly remind myself that if I'm self-aware and honest with myself about my shortcomings, then I'm doing my best, rejection or not.

You have your place in the world regardless of who's rejecting you x

[MarlenaEve]

I just tell myself there's always something better out there and not to give up.

I used to feel TERRIBLE after rejections...The way I was raised, my mother expected perfection, otherwise I wouldn't receive her love nor approval.

It took me a while to break out of that to be honest. I just remind myself she has NO control over my life, I'm an adult now, it's okay to make mistakes, it won't be the end of the world! There's always something better out there. Take baby steps at a time.

It felt terrible when I was unemployed for a couple months and felt bad that I went back to retail---when I was seeking a different type of job. But after retail, it propelled me to tech call center, then over to call center finance field that pays good. I'm still not satisfied, but I keep pushing myself and say "it will get better".

As far as ghosting goes...I was ghosted from a best friend since grade school and was a bit upset at first but got over it. Then as I got older, I became the "ghosted". Went through depression and anxiety, but didn't want to talk to my friends because I felt like a burden, I also loved around a lot...I would just say, ghosting may not always be personal---its not really about you but the other person.

I guess...It's a bit like changing your mindset and keep telling yourself it's okay until you believe it. I know it sounds easier than done, it's just takes time. It took me long time to get to the point I am now.

Aww, I really needed to hear this. Especially the part about "there's something better out there". Thank you, I'll save these answers to read them when the inner critic kicks in. ('cause that happens sometimes)

[MarlenaEve]

@Happypants

"You have your place in the world regardless of you is rejecting you" -BIG HUGS to you for this one. 

About not interacting with PD fam after rejection: good idea. I try not to and put on my affirmation tapes. It definitely feels better.
I'm cheering for you to find a job you love.

@notrightinthehead I need to process what you've written & thanks!!