How To Shake That Guilty Feeling?

[LOLmylife]

Long story short: I've been NC with my BPsis for nearly 2 years now and it's been the most peaceful, calm, and pleasantly boring years of my life

I still can't seem to shake the guilt that others in my family keep putting on me to just "get over it" and "move on" (I pretty much have moved on, just not in the way where I make amends with her and everyone else's discomfort at the rift goes away). I want to keep standing my ground but it gets exhausting reiterating my boundaries and having the rest of the family (including my spouse to a degree) implore me to go back to the way things were.

The thing is, and most of you know this: it's a slippery slope, and as soon as I let her back in my life, it'll open the flood gates where suddenly I'm bailing her out again, undoing my progress, and putting myself back in an uncomfortable spot.

As much as I feel bad that she has this illness, I value my own recovery and safety more. People aren't accustomed to me asserting my needs and I truly dont want this destructive person in my life going forward.

How do I get past the collective guilt everyone keeps laying at my doorstep?

[Call Me Cordelia]

You said it: You have moved on. The way things were didn't work for you, so you found a way that is working. That's truly a good thing. It might be uncomfortable for others, but they can choose to move on as well.

[treesgrowslowly]

I agree with you. You have moved on.

When I was in my FOO they had these beliefs about who should have to take care of certain family members. For a long time I tried to make it work because I thought "that's what you do for family".

But then once I backed a way I saw the truth and I saw the slippery slope you totally described here.

Honestly reading your post and coming from a really messed up FOO, my gut says that they just want you to fix things - to make their life easier.

It really sounds like they are projecting their guilt onto you.

And by pushing back you are getting more Out of the FOG. Good for you!! We are here and we get it.

It's not your job to be cleaning up messes that are made by someone elses PD. As you know...the messes never end.

I found that reading about projection really helped me with what you are going through. People will use us to project their guilt onto.

Trees