16 Months NC

[Escapedscapegoat]

Hi all, I posted here a lot around the time I decided to go no contact as apparently_wicked. It's now been 16 months of NC. Sib occasionally mentions f but seems to have largely accepted the impasse. She does mention bits and pieces about what he's said and he seems to vaccilate between trash talking me for things I supposedly did when I was 7, and playing the concerned father 'shall I write her a little note?' So no surprises, he's completely unable to be accountable.

I've come to realise he has never seen me, or anyone else as an individual. I know I am not the right person to be in his life and feel free now to make my happy place, and put down the rucksack of rocks I've been lugging about since childhood. I've been in therapy for 3 months and she's slowly helping me to give back the guilt and shame that my dad put on me through his inability to acknowledge his own trauma. I'm also slowly feeling a detached empathy for him,  not the sort of empathy that compells me towards him, but an empathy that allows me to see how and why he is what it is, to feel sorry for the victim he was, but to know it is right for me to not ever see him or hear him speak or read any of his words.

Progress hasn't been fast and I know it will always be so, but I'm happy stretching out to fill my new space.

Love and peace

[SunnyMeadow]

I remember you apparently_wicked 

Thank you for this. It's good to read that although difficult, there is peace and empathy after NC. Glad you came back to update us!

[GentleSoul]

Thank you for sharing your inspiring update.  Really good to read.  All best wishes to you.

[Cat of the Canals]

Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your progress!