Time and space has been a blessing

[bohemian butterfly]

My therapist was correct when she told me "time is on your side."

I haven't physically seen my boyfriend since March 13th and the last text he sent me was on March 21st. Our last phone call March 20th?  We are basically in limbo.  I think in my heart, I knew this would happen.  I have been so accommodating and understanding.  This past year, If i wanted to see him, I had to go to him.  If I wanted to spend time with him, I had to work beside him because he was sooooo busy.  And now that I'm changing (not as accommodating and "nice" (ie. Pushover, people pleasing) he's annoyed/resentful/angry. 

Although there have been a few times I've caught myself getting weepy (reminiscing about good times) my mind is not allowing me to gloss over the bad this time.  I am having less "what if I'm doing the wrong thing" thoughts.  The thoughts, "what if it's me?" and "what if he changes for the next woman and I lost a good man?" are few and far between.  In this space I've had, I've read "Codependent No More," and Pete Walker's, "From Surviving To Thriving".  I've watched numerous Lisa A Romano videos and after all of this, I feel stronger. 

I know what I need to do this time; I need to learn how to love myself.  Like really, I need to love myself beyond measure.  I know that if  I don't learn this, I will continue to attract the same person (with a different face) over and over and over again. 

I haven't officially broken it off yet because I haven't been ready, but now I am.  If he comes back (like he did last time) with his love letter and his love bombing, and his tears, I will not be swayed.  It's done.  I'm done with this dysfunctional dance.  I''m taking off my dance shoes and my socks; my feet are tired. 

Thanks for reading   

[Prototypian]

So glad to read this.  It makes me feel good!

[Simon]

Hi Butterfly.

Glad to hear you're back on track.
I see by your other post that you're back here after 1.5 years because you were sucked back into the relationship, but at least you're probably more galvanised than ever now.

The fact that they cannot really attach to people, form no bond, and invest nothing of themselves in their relationships means that they can keep doing it for as long as they want, without damage to them, but the damage done to their partners each time is huge, and accumulative.
I wish you luck in staying out, getting healthy, and finding someone worthy of your time.

I'd like to recommend "Psychopath Free" by Jackson MacKenzie and "Becoming The Narcissits Nightmare" by Shahida Arabi.
Two wonderful books that will help you on your journey.

[GentleSoul]

Hello

I very much relate to repeating the same pattern over and over.  That was me as well.  With PD and/or alcoholic men.  I am working on myself so I do not do it again.    I found the resources you mention very helpful too.

All the best to you.