Acceptance and guilt, the issues keep coming

[Bunnyme]

I had been posting about putting together a settlement.  Now, I dont even know what I can offer, especially with the kids.  I am seeing how deep his mental illness runs, so I'm accepting that he wont change and it lessens some of the anger.  It does churn up the guilt again.  He is on his third hospital committment in a month, only a few days out of his latest rehab.  I still see the manipulation, especially in how he tells me about it (and continues to lie), but he has serious, serious mental issues. 

[notrightinthehead]

He probably does. Now you could ask yourself - am I competent enough and in a position to help him? Can I make him well? Or will I drown with him trying? Who will be there for my kids then? Will they be well looked after without me?
You already know that you did not cause his being unwell. You cannot cure it. You cannot even control it, you have tried that long enough. It might help to just admit to yourself that you are powerless when faced with your husbands illness. There is nothing you can do.  It is totally ok to feel for him. The decision you have to make here is: Would it help him and your kids if you sacrificed yourself and became unwell too?

[Bunnyme]

Tonight, tearful call with the kids.  They were crying. He was crying.  And I know that when he has the chance to see them, he usually doesnt.  I feel terrible for them.  It is causing so much stress for my son.  He is convinced I'm going to leave him.  Luckily, I finally got off of the waitlist for a new counselor for him. 

[Free2Bme]

I'm so sorry Bunnyme,  I'm sure this is so difficult for you and your children.  I have no sage advice, just wanted to wish you strength, comfort and clarity as you go through this season.