Healing Mother Wound - trigger warning

[snigi800]

I still feel sadness after going no contact. I am doing therapy, but the mother wound still stings me. It was confirmed from a counselor she was a psychopath. I call her the mother.

My mother told me that after I was born she loved getting pampered like a princess . Not one time did I hear I loved seeing you

My mother almost stabbed me because she was angry that I was happy as a toddler, while she had postpartum after my brother's birth. She refused to listen to the doctor who said to take care of herself first and not to get too worked up on breast feeding. The doctor told her it is okay to use formula once in a while. She refused to listen because she cared a lot about her image as a martyr. ( Backstory: my brother was a big baby. 10 lbs. Voracious appetite. He needed breastmilk every 3-4 hours)

I was repeatedly molested between the ages of 1.5-8 by her father and my father. My mother actually would leave me alone with the company of her father and just go shopping. My mom enabled my dad's behavior.

My mother would tell me she wished she would abort me many times growing up.

My mother was extremely controlling with food. No junk food was to be allowed. I really wish she never had a nutrition degree. Kids made fun of me in elementary school because I did not know that Nutella existed until I was 11 years old. I never had junk food growing up so whenever there was a classroom party I would go crazy and kids would call me a greedy pig.

The control became horrible when I hit teen years. She wanted to control how much time I would spend with peers. I told her I just wanted some space like any normal 16 year old.When I wanted to hang with my new friend, she would blow up my phone with texts. It was so embarrassing. She called the cops on me and filed a missing report. She even called some of the parents whose kids went to my school to get details on the new friend I made. She would also insist on wearing matching clothes. So embarrassing that I was wearing Charter Club when I was fifteen. My mother was obsessed with me and wanted to be my best friend.

[bloomie]

snigi800 - I am sorry this has slipped down the page with a response.

It sounds like a terribly painful childhood and I am so sorry for all that transpired. I am thankful you have the in real life of a supportive therapist and have reached out for support here.

It is a confusing message from a mother for her to be both obsessed with you and also say she would've terminated the pregnancy - and the abuse... my heart breaks that you endured that.

I am thankful you have broken free of the toxic environment of your parents' home.

[SunnyMeadow]

I'm sorry and sad for what you went through in your childhood.

I hope in time your sadness lessens and you can feel strength in going No Contact. You have made a wise decision to cut off you toxic mother. She is not a safe person to have in your life and you were strong enough to break free. Now you can live your life for you without giving her much though. She simply isn't worth your time and energy. It's good you're doing therapy.

Please keep posting and reading here. I'm sure many people will learn from your story.

♥