Avoidant 21 year old son

[Lottie]

I called in mental health one year ago and my  son was diagnosed with psychosis. He had to move to paternal grandfather as I could no longer cope. He had been depressed and increasingly withdrawn for 3 or 4 years. He is no longer psychotic but very internally anxious and avoidant and fits the AVPD picture. He avoids help, anything that makes him uncomfortable, doesn't work/study and has no friends . He focusses on exercise and eating well, at times almost obsessively, but can also spend a whole day sitting in a chair on his phone.  He is smart and has read a lot about PD but mostly to understand his father who is very dysfunctional (we separated 9 years ago). He seems to not understand how to relate to people even though he was good at this as a boy, not very realistic in his thinking and becomes totally passive when anxiety causes confusion for him. Health professionals don't seem to understand the avoidance and I do not know how to help him.

[BeautifulCrazy]

Is your son aware of his avoidant tendencies and behaviors?
Is he in therapy?
If not, do you think it might be something he could be persuaded to do?
I have Aspergers and OCD and struggled very, VERY hard at that age with anxious / avoidant behaviors. They were so bad, they were completely shutting down my life and my ability to function. My mum got me to see a therapist who worked specifically with those avoidance issues, doing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy - it might not be called that nowadays). I still use the skills I learned then (I'm past 40 now), and can overcome my avoidant tendencies a lot of the time.

[Lottie]

Thank you so much for replying. Though I am sorry you had such a difficult time it is great for me to hear from someone who has been in his position.
He refused until very recently to speak with anyone, is tentatively asking now (to discus his father, not himself) and I suspected it was important that the therapist knew specifically about AVPD so am trying to find one. There don't seem to be so many. He slips away from so much that may help (I have tried to get him to a therapist for years) and I am always worried about how to proceed so he doesn't.
He is aware of quite a lot, and very self reflective, but I don't think sees the avoidance. He will say his problems are all physical, needing to be physically strong.
Can I ask if you ever found medication helpful for the anxiety?

[BeautifulCrazy]

As a mum, my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to see our children struggle!
I've not taken meds for anxiety that I can recall. My teens and twenties were so long ago now! My parents were very reluctant to medicate me, although I did take something at one time for my OCD until it was determined that the side effects outweighed the benefits.

When I did therapy at that age, the avoidance and the OCD were the main focus. The CBT worked very well for those things, which eliminated a lot of the associated anxieties. I've never had any challenges as serious as your son's or any significant mental health issues, though.
I'm not sure you necessarily need a therapist who is a specializes in avoidance, as long as they are made aware of the negative effect of it on your son's day to day functioning? I'm not an expert and can not advise about specific therapies or specialists. I'm thinking just getting him started and talking / building rapport with someone might open up more possibilities for exploring what might work or who might be involved in his care.
I think a key element in my success was the ability to introspect and self reflect. It sounds like your son also has that in his favor. Another big positive, reading your post, you sound like a loving, supportive parent who is well informed and willing to research and advocate on behalf of your child. Your son is very lucky to have that!

[Lottie]

It does seem a good therapist is the best way, if I can get him to one. Really appreciate your comments and advice, thank you.