NMIL calls herself mummy to DH

[Maz]

So has anyone else had experience with this: my partners mom, my soon to be MIL calls herself mummy to my partner. My partner challenged her on this but she is adamant that she is mummy! It's creepy and to me really strange.

She also calls my partner son and not by his name, again I find this strange and almost like it's to exert some sort of power or authority. She does it in a really loud false work type voice. As if she's speaking with a colleague. I don't understand and wanted to know if this is something others have experienced?

[Pickles66]

Hello maz.

I was really struck by your question, and I have been wondering about something similar.

It was only since my late H died, that I thought about this. I realise that he never referred to me as his wife, and rarely by my name. Our adult sons were referred to, by husband, as "my colleagues."  He didn't refer to his parents as "my parents or Mum and Dad", and just before he became ill, he got very angry that I referred to my SIL, as "your sister". I did this to distinguish from my friend and neighbour with the same name.

I have come to see that he was not comfortable with family relationships of any sort. And this was conveyed by his use of speech.

Very much the other end of the spectrum to your MIL, but both, possibly, a form of control.

I can see why you might feel a bit bemused and unsettled by this.

[Maz]

Hey pickles66,

It's really strange isn't it. I don't understand it but it feels like not letting someone have their own identity. Almost like their not a person in their own right just a son or husband or something but not a full individual adult.

[Cat of the Canals]

My husband's brother died earlier this year, and my PDmil suddenly started referring to him as "MY SON." Always in a very dramatic tone of voice.

I believe it is a way of claiming him as hers. She hasn't really acknowledged how close my husband was with his brother and what a loss this was for him. From the moment he died it was all happened to her and no one else. And by calling him MY SON, it erases his identity as a brother, friend, significant other, etc. He is only one thing now. HER son.

[Maz]

Hey Cat of the Canals,

I'm sorry for your loss. That must be tough, especially on your Dh.

It sounds like you pdmil is trying to be in control of who gets to be upset or grieve. That's not to say that it doesn't hurt her as well but doesn't seem the healthiest way for the whole family.