Love bombing

[escapingman]

Thanks Boat Babe, I just need out. I only have 3 things to make me cope other than the kids, that's work, the gym and alcohol. I know alcohol is not the right answer, but at least it takes the edge of it all and its the only way to make me sleep at night. When I saw my doctor she asked if I wanted something, maybe I should ask for that instead but I don't know. It's the end game now, last time I spoke to solicitor we spoke about filing in middle of November, I might try to bring that forward.

[Justanotherlostgirl]

I think the rage is coming..... She just told me that she is going to start a new project in the house. Told her she can do whatever she wants but we are still getting divorced. She got angry and told me I owe her for all the years married so I am not allowed to divorce her.......

What!? If anyone "owes" anyone, she owes you for putting up with her years of abuse.

I know what you mean about the IDD cycles. I often thought my stbx wasn't abusive because the cycle was too quick! He can also go through the whole thing once a day, if I'm very lucky twice! It is so confusing to be married to someone like that and yes - mentally/emotionally exhausting.

I hope you do make an exit strategy. What would be so bad about going to the hotel right now? Just leaving your kids with her?

[escapingman]

I have my preferred strategy in my head, but I need to discuss this with my solicitor next week. Her first thoughts were that I should stay in the house as she was worried about any smearing if I was somewhere else, this is a moot point as I am being smeared anyway. The other reasons she gave for it being better to stay was to not be accused for abandoning and then have less claim on the house and finances. I need out, and fast, but I need to know my options first.

[escapingman]

They really are following the same script aren't they? So, today she again tried to throw herself at me blowing kisses, trying to get through and kiss me and when rejected telling me about how we used to throw kisses at each other. Told her again nothing has changed and the divorce is going ahead. 2 hours later she comes into me telling me she just got a call from a clinic and they have for some reason moved her up the queue and we can have couples counselling for a weight issue she has had as long as I can remember. I have been pushing her to get this issue sorted for about 5 years, she has had counselling in the past but abandoned it as she said she didn't need it. So now, suddenly it has been offered out of the blue when she is facing a divorce. This smells like a it is off, she has either been offered it all the time but not acted on it until now, or else it is a lie. Obviously there is the smallest chance she is telling the truth, that would be great as she needs therapy, but there is no way I am taking part in that.

[Lauren17]

Obviously there is the smallest chance she is telling the truth, that would be great as she needs therapy, but there is no way I am taking part in that.

That's exactly the attitude that will get you through. Way to go!!!

My stbxh has tried to get me to counseling with him 3 or 4 times since I said "divorce." He's come up with several different reasons to go. Never-mind that we tried marriage counseling before and he refused to try.
He almost convinced me and I agreed to a preliminary consultation. He told such a sad story of mean old Lauren hurting him and destroying the family. I canceled the next appointment.

Same script, indeed.

[escapingman]

I remember last time she actually went for counselling, she went about 5 times I think. Every time she came back she complained about how dare they tell what she should do when they themselves are fat and she doesn't have a problem. But she did tell me that they had talked about some issued and they all were apparently my fault and I should have done different. So, she goes to therapy about her issue with eating, and she comes back and tells me what I need to change..... I actually found some old emails from when the beginning of our relationship, if I would have knows what I know now it would have stopped there. It was freaky what I apologised for and what I was accused for.

[SonofThunder]

"I actually found some old emails from when the beginning of our relationship, if I would have knows what I know now it would have stopped there. It was freaky what I apologised for and what I was accused for."

Escapingman, You are surely not alone in that experience.  I for one and plenty of others here in their FOGgy caretaking years.  Its all just part of our experience history and hindsight is good for historical truth, so i advise you rejoice in being now Out of the FOG, discard any potential guilt or shame feelings regarding the past, and move boldly forward in the middle of the PD blizzard you face at the moment. 

SoT