Very disturbing lie-- Why?

[Jumping Juniper]

Hello Everyone..

I'm not a newcomer but been off this forum for a very long time and am mostly Out of the FOG now..
Also had a breakthrough that both my enabling mother and enabling sister with fleas are finally starting to see my father's narcissism..
I am still in touch with my family and by an large able to sidestep things and get on with my life BUT..

I just want to ask a question about a very alarming lie I have just found out. What I don't understand is the motivation of the lie as it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever..

My uncle (my father's brother) has severe learning difficulties and so lives in sheltered accommodation. I hardly get to see him especially because of Covid. A few days ago was a landmark
birthday for him so I decided to get some special things that were tailored towards the things he loved the most. One of the things I ordered was a specially designed card. I had it delivered to my father in time for the party (which I couldn't go to due to Covid restrictions).
I told my father to look out for it and let me know if it got there in time. He said that it did and that he would take it to the home with the presents.

After the party I asked him how it all went. He said that it all went very well and that my uncle was particularly touched by the card that I sent him and spent ages looking at it and went into detail over the scene it created. My father then told me how much my uncle loved me and then he started to cry. I was shocked and what seemed like a genuine outburst and that him crying made me cry too especially because I miss seeing my uncle so much.

So fast forward a few days and some of my other presents arrived late due to mail delays and this is the kicker.. My mother said "Oh and your card arrived today and so your father has gone round to your uncle and dropped it off"??????????



So he actually lied to me about the whole thing and I am wondering why??

Someone who didn't know narcissism would say that he told a fib because he was worried that it would upset you that the card hadn't arrived in time but I wasn't worried about that and I knew my uncle wouldn't mind having an extended birthday with things arriving on different days..(Indeed my father had already agreed that presents coming at different times was unavoidable given Covid restrictions)

So why the elaborate lie? Why the focus on my card in particular? Why the big emotional response?
Was any of that real at all?

I'm not upset and not even angry. I'm just really, really baffled and not a little bit disturbed by all of this.
Any thoughts?

Has anyone else experienced a blatant lie that didn't seem to benefit or excuse anyone and was totally unnecessary?!

[Jumping Juniper]

p.s. My father crying was a shock as he never, ever, ever, cries at anything and when he does it is almost as though he is pretending to cry as he can't genuinely cry. There are no tears and it is a bit like how a child pretends to cry sometimes and it is really over the top like bad acting..

I actually grew up thinking that it was physically impossible for men to cry but then it might be a cultural thing too as men do not seem to cry very much in my country.

[Cat of the Canals]

That is definitely baffling... especially the crying. Then again, if I try to imagine my PDmom doing something similar, it's not a stretch. She always likes to pretend that everything is perfect. Bad news isn't allowed.

So I could imagine a scenario in which my card didn't arrive, but she would (without thinking about it much) have an instinct to lie and give me "good news." Yes!  Of course your card came! And then, because she absolutely must gild the lily (she speaks in hyperbole always - everything is THE BEST or THE WORST), she'd have to tell me how much the recipient *loved* the card.

I'm not sure she'd get carried away enough to cry -- that's more of PDmil's style. But I wouldn't put it past her to lie about the rest (I know for a fact she often lies without giving it much thought... it just seems to come out) and then really embellish the hell out of the story (because that's what she does).

[SunnyMeadow]

I feel the same, him crying is pretty shocking. The lie part of this is mind boggling. Your dad really went into detail to describe your uncle's reaction to the card. I'm wondering if the lie was so he could cry and have the emotional outburst with you, to get attention in some way?

My uNPDmother lies about things to get attention. So that's the only thing I'm coming up with for your dad to do it.

I'm sorry JumpingJuniper, what a shock this is for you. 

[JustKathy]

I'm wondering if the lie was so he could cry and have the emotional outburst with you, to get attention in some way?

That would be my guess. My NPDmother did this sort of thing all the time, though she never went so far as to cry (that one is really over the top). It was always done for attention, and I think, to confuse me a little. Be cruel to me one minute then overly caring about something or somebody in the next minute.

If there was someone else within earshot it may have also been done for the benefit of others, to show what a deeply caring and emotional person he is. Also, as Cat of the Canals said, to perpetuate the myth that everything within the family is perfect.

Very weird, no matter the reason. 

[Hilltop]

Very disturbing and very weird and I really can't understand why or what he would get out of doing that.

The only thing I could semi relate it to is my mother enjoys getting a reaction out of people even emotional responses.  She once recorded a eulogy she gave and then watched it later and commented on all the people reacting to her words.

Did he want some reaction from you or just to see he can provoke that?  Were they real tears? I really don't know what to make of it and understand you being baffled by it.

The only thing that makes sense is the lie because PD's do lie.  I am sorry this must be really hard for you because it is particularly crazy making, there is no logic or sense to it at all.