No more despair

[NoMoreDespair]

2 days ago, via texting, my father dumped another load of Narcissistic rage.. when I responded with "oh gosh, I didn't even think that you might take it negatively" it quickly turned into blaming me for multiple things.  My initial reaction was confusion.    After some thought, I texted him back calling it toxic BS.  Then his wife IM's me her support of him.  (He is 96 years old & lives with his wife of 16 years.)  This scenario happens over & over and over about every 3-4 months.  It happens because I forget he is a narcissist.  I keep trying to have a normal relationship with him. 
In talking with my sister yesterday I stated that I have come to not care about anything anymore... housework, due dates, social functions, etc..  I have disconnected from the world.  This morning I realize that is not normal.  I'm here to work on getting my life back.

[bloomie]

NoMoreDespair - love your forum name and the declaration and powerful statement that is!

So thankful you have reached out for support as you face how unhealthy you have come to believe this scenario replaying with your father and his wife is for you. I am so sorry for the hurt and harm that comes with each round.

As you settle in make good use of the toolbox and resources at the drop down menus above and others that are linked across the boards.

Having a very elderly entrenched Narcissistic family member myself, I don't know about you, but part of the struggle remembering my own elder is not safe is the vulnerability and actual decline we see due to aging.

For me, it has taken a lot to hold a stable view of this elder as not safe. In my own culture (and family culture) a great deal of really terrible behaviors and choices are excused when someone is old when in fact the pattern of N abuse has been there in their lives always. It's not new, it just becomes more and more acceptable.

Where that has finally brought me to is... I can only control myself and empower myself to healing and to go into each contact guarding my heart and mind - and to adjust the contact to the level I can handle.

Coming here you will be supported as you find the best path forward and begin to heal. We welcome you and I look forward to seeing you out there on the boards!

[NoMoreDespair]

Having a very elderly entrenched Narcissistic family member myself, I don't know about you, but part of the struggle remembering my own elder is not safe is the vulnerability and actual decline we see due to aging.

For me, it has taken a lot to hold a stable view of this elder as not safe. In my own culture (and family culture) a great deal of really terrible behaviors and choices are excused when someone is old when in fact the pattern of N abuse has been there in their lives always. It's not new, it just becomes more and more acceptable.

Where that has finally brought me to is... I can only control myself and empower myself to healing and to go into each contact guarding my heart and mind - and to adjust the contact to the level I can handle.

Oh gosh, this is so true for me too!  Physically, I see him failing.  But, his mind is as sharp, cold & vicious as it has always been when he is into one of his storms.  I am still very sad today and bouncing in & out of despair but I recognize what is happening and that helps.  I am reading the resources here & trying to imprint them strongly into memory!  I am so sorry you or any of us have to go through this pain from someone we still manage to love in spite of the abuse.