Newbie

[happygoat]

Hello All!
I have been in recovery from FSA for several years.  The FSA manifested a negative impact on every aspect of my life.  I have been unable to stay married, parent well, find meaningful work or financial stability in my life.  When I tried to go back to college several years ago my family went into action with the sabotage. They are very successful and credible.  There is no way anyone would ever believe me.  My family has been listing my invented and exaggerated character flaws in a comical and memorable fashion my whole life.  I am in the midst of well organized social bullying campaign. I have gone NC with all except my youngest daughter. She tells me she is in a drug treatment center, which sounds great, except this would be # 8 or ?  I must admit that I don't hold out much hope for she and I but I am her Mom and it feels wrong to give up even though she hurts me so much and I am so afraid of her.  I still hold that precious little girl in my heart and miss her so much.

I am really alone

Tried 12 step online and in person to connect with some wisdom but my FOO managed to thwart any attempts I make to reach out.  I quit trying a while back but I know that is not really an answer.  It was just all I could do because I am still so fragile and have to be calm and strong to stay functional in the midst of social abuse.

I believe moving away from here will help some.  Make it harder for them to keep tabs on me and deliver their little passive aggressive threats.  I have six more months on me lease.  It is important to my self care to maintain a good rental history and credit rating because I have no safety net.

Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

happygoat

[Worthy of Care]

Happygoat, welcome. I am new here also. I feel for you and the trauma you face.

[bloomie]

Hi happygoat - welcome to Out of the FOG.

I hope you will find this a soft place to land and will benefit from the tools and resources at the drop down menus above as you make your way forward.

It is hard to hold up under a public misinformation campaign by people who 'seem' so credible. I am sorry you are facing this and hope that as you begin to engage in the conversations here you will be empowered and encouraged that you are not alone.

I look forward to supporting you and wish you strength as you take this one step at a time.

[happygoat]

Thank you Bloomie,
This is so hard.  I cut everyone out of my life over a year ago because I couldn't really tell what was going on anymore.  The passive aggressiveness and gaslighting were doing a number on my head until I moved out on my own.  And the deal is, my family credible, in a lot of areas, just not where I am concerned and that is why I am so hard to believe.  I don't even try anymore.  My youngest daughter is reaching out to me.  She says that she is in drug treatment, but I really don't know and I am very afraid of her. She has struggled with drug addiction and mental illness since she hit puberty and she is 31 now.  Pretty sad life she has had.  I want for things to be ok for her and us but I am so frightened and insecure about the whole situation.  I believe my FOO has been giving her little sums of money to get info out of me on me for the past few years and to say things that would trigger me.  My youngest daughter is the only member of my FOO that I have spoken to in over a year.  So I am just trying to take things very slowly.  I wrote her a letter and sent return postage.  She is calling and leaving messages about Sunday phone calls for us, but I feel rushed.  I want to see how the letter writing goes.  With letter writing I can pin point the crap she says that hurt my feelings and send it back to her.  I have done this.   I think that I will take the letter to my therapist to open.  I haven't seen her in a few months.  What is really hard with my daughter is that I can't tell if she is really that brain damaged from the drugs of she is messing with my head.  I am always walking this line between compassion and self care and always afraid to make a mistake.