No memory of where my sister was when we were teens

[JustKathy]

This is so weird. I was talking to my husband about daylight saving time and I mentioned that I used to hate it when I was in high school because I had to walk to school alone in the dark in the fall. Then he said, "You walked alone? How did your sister get to school?"

Ummmm .... no idea. I had never even thought about that one before now. My sister was a year younger than me and went to the same school yet I have NO remembrance of how she got to and from school, or of her even being at school. I was so freaked out by this memory loss that I pulled out my yearbooks to verify that she did attend the same school, and sure enough, her photo is there. The more I think about this the more I'm realizing that I flat out do not remember where my sister was during our teen years. That's when my Nmother's abuse was at its worst. Where the heck was she? We shared a bedroom and I don't even remember her being there.

My mother must have been keeping us apart somehow so I wouldn't talk, but just wow, where was she? I remember where my much younger brother was, but not my sister. Am I the only one who can't remember where their siblings were when they were being abused? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[Boat Babe]

You're not losing your mind Kathy. You've had a shock. Your body chemistry is playing merry hell with you right now. 

You are going to have to process this my dear, starting with self care and self compassion. Be very very kind to yourself right now. None of this was your fault.

[JustKathy]

Thanks so much, Boat Babe. I've been reading Randi Fine's book on narc abuse and she talks about the ways in which siblings are kept apart, and how it can be so covert that you have no way of knowing it's happening.

I have a lot of memories that are crystal clear, others that are just gone, and some that have come back rather spontaneously after decades of them being buried. The latter has happened a lot while taking personal essay writing classes. I'll start writing about something my mother did to me, and halfway through I'll remember something else that was long forgotten. Those old memories coming back after forty years have my emotions running all over the map. There are some events I'd rather not remember, but at the same time, those memories are missing pieces of a puzzle.

I do have very clear memories of both my brother and sister being removed from the house when I was being falsely accused and or/sabotaged. My mother would take them "shopping" and have my father punish me while they were all gone. I remember the traumatizing events so clearly, but can't remember the mundane things, like how my sister got to school. The "why" is easy to figure out. If we had walked to school together we would have had a full hour of unsupervised time together and we might have actually talked. Can't allow that to happen.