MIL love bombing really hard at NYE

[Hilltop]

We spent NYE with MIL and FIL and slept over as we live a distance away.  I noticed MIL was love bombing really heavily.  She thanked me a dozen times for coming, saying how happy it made her even though I have come every year.  She even told me when she met me she loved me because she could tell my heart was pure.  I noticed it straight away and just nodded and thanked her for the dinner etc.

I wanted to remind her of all the atrocious behaviour she did when we were first married to show she is absolutely making up that she loved me so much when she first met me but I couldn't really be bothered, it was just a thought I had.  It's funny how when your eyes are open you see the behaviour happening in front of you.  You see it for what it is.

The next day her mask slipped a little.  I was commenting on something and she actually had a look of irritation go over her face as she told me 'of course that would happen'.  I just stepped back a little after that and got on my phone.

I don't know what she wants but I am so glad I am past the days of reacting to her.  I was able to simply move on from comments she made and saw her love bombing for what it was.  I have come a long way from those early days of reacting to her.  It's refreshing to be able to see her from a distance.  I don't take her personally any more.

Anyone else have this experience,  now I have to work on this with my parents lol.

[Peace Lily]

Hi Hilltop, I've not really experienced excessive love bombing, though I have witnessed the look of irritation/ anger quickly masked! I just wanted to say well done you! You observed the whole weirdness of the behaviour with detachment and did not react. This is not an easy thing to achieve. You have not taken it personally, but rather seen the behaviour for what it is- manipulation. When you find out what she does want you will be able to hold your boundaries.

[bloomie]

Hilltop - recognizing the lovebombing and your response to gaslighting "She even told me when she met me she loved me because she could tell my heart was pure." shows you have gained the ability to detach emotionally and not fall into the trap that is set with these kinds of no win statements that are demonstrably untrue - and you both know it.

I don't know what she wants but I am so glad I am past the days of reacting to her.  I was able to simply move on from comments she made and saw her love bombing for what it was.  I have come a long way from those early days of reacting to her.  It's refreshing to be able to see her from a distance.  I don't take her personally any more.

Anyone else have this experience,  now I have to work on this with my parents lol.

I used to stumble over the audacity of this kind of love bombing and opportunistic narrative building on the painful ground of years of experiencing my own in law's rejection, rivalry, slandering, and malevolence. I would sometimes ruminate on it for days, because it was so confusing on the emotional level. 

It was really only when I refused to take offense and refused to engage emotionally that I gained peace in my choice to not respond in agreement or outrage and give her any supply in these times of love bombing.

My own mil attempts to manipulate everyone for her gain all of the time. I don't say that lightly the "everyone" and "all of the time", because I tend to focus on behaviors and don't often characterize a person as "all" anything, but this is her character and how she has chosen to live every day in all relationships and get what she wants or needs or to coerce others view of her and their responses to her.

And I was only able to really see that her starting gate position is control and manipulation through the pose of vulnerability and weakness, or faux tears and saccharine sweet sentiments dropped into strategic ears at specific times (sometimes switching to narcissistic raging when her tactics do not work) - how incredibly insincere she is -  when I emotionally distanced myself and refused to play.

So, yes I have had this experience this past holiday season to be exact. Twice.  And like you, as mil began to scrunch up her face and heave as if crying without a tear in sight and tell me how much I mean to her I MC'd my way through it and moved on with my lovely day.

[Magnolia34]

Oh, do I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Someone else on this thread once described these behaviors as "disorienting" and I'm so grateful to now have that word to put toward those situations/feelings. It's hard to believe you're relationship with someone is in one place, then quickly find out that's not true, and in fact, you might be adversaries.
Unlike yours, my UBPDMIL was actually pretty kind to me early on. Yes, I could tell she was a little eccentric and seemed to have a hard time functioning in the world. FIL had always done everything for her and DH and UBPDBIL just "there-there'd" her... she just seemed pitiful and I felt sorry for her. Over the last few years I've begun to see how manipulative she can actually be. Blaming her inability to be an adult on things that happened when DH was a child, triangulating with UBPDBIL and FIL. Then we'll get a 20 paragraph text message about how wonderful we are, how sorry she is that we're dealing with DH's BPDXW and kids, how much she appreciates us, etc. My heart softens, I feel sorry for her, I know she's lonely... then we get a nasty text message from UPBDBIL about something we've allegedly said or done to offend her. When confronted, she plays the "Oh, I'm just a silly old lady and didn't mean that the way it sounded." SO frustrating.
Boundaries have been critical for us and I think your decision to step back and close down a little bit when she begins that kind of behavior is a really healthy one. Maybe she'll recognize that for what it is and change her behavior, or maybe she'll just get tired of not getting a reaction and go somewhere else. Either way, you get to maintain your peace.

[Cat of the Canals]

The next day her mask slipped a little. 

Sounds like my MIL. She can only maintain her "nice face" for short periods of time. It always slips, without fail. Good job on keeping your distance emotionally. 

[Hilltop]

As others said they have done, I also use to fall for the love bombing.  I would believe there was genuine warmth in what she was saying and then I would be so confused when things went badly.  I got a real appreciation over New Years of why I use to get so confused and just how disorientating those types of relationships can be.  She actually sounded really genuine when she was throwing those compliments my way but after knowing her and seeing her over the years, I can now see how fake this part is.  When her mask slipped I was slightly surprised.  It is the first time I have actually noticed or seen it for what it was.

I was really happy that I felt so detached from her and I was happy I was able to deflect multiple conversations which I felt were weird or slightly off.  I only see her a handful of times a year and I have worked out that this seems to be what works for me.  I think the biggest thing for me is that I really don't care what she thinks of me.  Normally I would leave and be thinking of things she had said or done and feeling low about it, this time I have left feeling great because I feel like I have come so far in dealing with her.  It felt really good which is a nice change to how I use to feel around her.