Hello!

[OneOneSeven]

Hello everyone!
I found this website through r/raisedbynarcassists subreddit. What can I say other than eye opening. I've been living in a lie up to past few days.

A little about myself: I am 22m. Studying medicine (forcefully).

My current issue is my parents. They are not great people to say the least (both are abusive and full of themselves). I am looking to educate myself and create a strong sense of self that would one day enable me to go NC.

Looking forward to growing with you guys!

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I follow the author and mental health professional Kris Godinez on YouTube. She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and how targets of abuse can cope better. Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez".

Keep calm. Stay strong. Keep posting.

[OneOneSeven]

Thanks guitarman

I want to stick to this forum as much as I can. I can't begin to describe how much impact Out of the FOG and r/raisedbynarcissists has had on me by just reading other people's experiences. I feel sane for the first time in my life. Like I am not alone in this or just being over dramatic the way my parents have gaslighted me into believing. You guys are a blessing!

[SunnyMeadow]

Learning this stuff at 22 years old is the best thing! I'm glad you found us. You are definitely not alone! My realization that there was something terribly wrong didn't hit me until I was in my late 40s. I googled "why does she love drama" and somehow it led me here. If only I had figured this stuff out at 22, I'd have a much better life.

I was on that subreddit for quite some time and had to delete it because it was ruining my reddit experience. I like reddit for silly stuff, cooking, animals and reading the narcissist stuff was eye-opening but a downer.

Some helpful things I do when dealing with my uNPD mother is using medium chill, gray rock and observe don't absorb techniques. You can find explanations above in the toolbox.

[OneOneSeven]

I am trying to manage the time to do my research. Life has been very hectic lately. The NPD realization has been a double edged sword. On one hand, I now feel more sane (not there yet). On the other hand, my patience and capacity to endure bullshit is now null.

My interactions with Ndad is now my silence and his confusion. He's scared. He knows I am waking up. He literally sent me money yesterday after I lashed on him for not supporting me when I needed him. Long story short, a racist security guard (2 actually) attacked me in the dorm building and I had to defend myself. I called him for support and ended up with a lecture. I never could've imagined I'll be able to yell at him, be crystal clear that he's a shitty parent, not be afraid and hang up on him all at the same time. And don't worry I am ok. Few scratches and bruises. You should see the other guy.

I realized that I am attracted to narcissists. All my friends are like my parents. They are the only type of human beings I know. Everything else is alien.

My goal at the moment is to build a small bubble of personal space. No interruptions. No intruders. No narcissists. Educate myself on NPD. Figure out a way to create a bigger functional bubble. One that I can start preparing for a full NC. Only then will I be able to breath.

[guitarman]

I hope that you are OK. What a terrifying and traumatic event you have experienced. Your father doesn't sound at all supportive.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. She can't do empathy and sympathy. She is emotionally blind to other people's feelings. Everything is turned around to be about her. It took me a long time to realise that. Her actions don't match her words.

I now call her my abuser and I am her target of abuse. That has redefined my relationship with her. I don't do "idiot compassion" any more where I am the idiot. It's not been easy because of all the fear, obligation and guilt that I still feel. She has caused so much devastation in our family, never knowing how she will behave by terrifying us with her frequent loud narcissistic rage and demanding behaviour for decades.

I've had to go no contact with her for two years to look after my own mental and physical health. I have to put myself first. It's not been easy. Other people don't realise what it's been like unless they have experienced all this for themselves. You are not alone here.

Keep educating yourself about PDs and abuse. Keep sharing your experiences with others here. Keep talking about how you feel. You matter.

Find your tribe.

Observe don't absorb.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe.