Hello there

[LouLouZ]

Hello there,
Having been with my husband for 26 years, I finally met him four years ago when I became aware of massive financial abuse. This occurred because I worked with a counsellor who helped me navigate his stonewalling techniques. It took six months for me to finally hold my ground and demand access to our financial position, it turns out he had secretly accrued $600K in debts, many in my name, all without my consent. Initially, his justifications seemed rational; it was all my fault, all our disabled child's fault, essentially the burden of us. Finally, we agreed to move forward, consolidating the debts, and working hard to pay them off asap. I subsequently removed every barrier he had used to blame for his behaviour. On top of my full-time job, I even got another job to help pay off the debts, but he didn't keep any of his commitments, not one. He had turned into this cold, indifferent, self-absorbed tyrant. Where had my husband gone? After four years and a diagnosis of NPD/ASPD, I realised that my husband wasn't gone; he'd never existed in the first place. For 22 years, I was essentially his key subscription holder; I believed everything he spun and suppressed every indiscretion. We're separated now but still trying to sort through the financial mess. The emotional and psychological lot will take a longer time to heal. But at least I'm out now. 

[Worthy of Care]

  Welcome LouLouZ.

[bloomie]

Hi LouLouZ - welcome to Out of the FOG. What a journey you have been on. I am so thankful you have found us for support and encouragement.

The revelations that nothing was what it seemed and the financial mess you found yourself in is terrible. I am so sorry. This is such a profound summing it up: "I realised that my husband wasn't gone; he'd never existed in the first place. For 22 years, I was essentially his key subscription holder" what a stunning realization. So much packed into that statement.

This is a great community for processing and working through your experiences and revelations. I look forward to supporting you and am so thankful you are out and on the road to healing and recovering.