Selling the marital home with my STBXBPH

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

WOW.  The title says it all.  It's a nightmare and has been for quite awhile.

I was able to get my STBXBPH to agree to sell the house because I basically froze him out of as much access to $, things, and food that I could.  Over the years, he gradually stopped working and his manipulations/lies/etc.... worked.  I kept working harder and harder.  So, when he was faced with divorce, he just stalled as much as he could.  So, I stopped buying the food he liked, I took away the cable box, I told him he wasn't welcome at the dinner table.  He certainly could make and enjoy dinner with our son on whatever nights he wanted to.  He rarely did - he would by McDonald's, pizza, etc..  but rarely made food - and he's a great cook.

Next stage - we were selling the house.  He was motivated because he saw dollar signs at the end - we agreed to a 50/50 split of the profits.  And, even that was a struggle.  He's a contractor by trade, and very talented.  To get him to finish his projects was a nightmare.  I used the realtor as a middle person and she was able to get results.  Of course, it took us 6 weeks to get the house on the market.

Thanx to Covid, we had multiple offers.  After the inspection, we had to address several minor areas - but it required some thought and consistent effort.  My STBXBPH wanted to be the hero so he kept making all these promises.  He never followed through.  Ends up - lawyers arguing and I end up having to be responsible because the house is in my name.  Again he sabotaged every step of the way.  He sought out the drama, my frustrations, etc...  It was so anxiety provoking.  I would make progress and he would find a way to claim victory.  This is his way to try and put me down - make me feel small.  It used to work and it worked very well.   Now, I just look at him and shrug it off.  His constant need to show "how great he is" is ridiculous. I think when you are Out of the FOG, you think - how did I do this for so long????   I've just let him think he's fabulous.  Once the house is sold, he has no hold over me. 

I found an apartment for myself mid-way through the selling process.  I just couldn't take it anymore and the stress was crazy.  The daily name calling and put downs were exhausting -even with MC and GR, it was doing real damage to my well being.  Having my own place is so much better.  Sometimes, it feels strange to not have the stress of my marriage - and I know you all understand.  I used to wake up in the AM and smell his pot smoke (I hated it - but of course, it was for medical purposes only  ) and now I wake up to my home - just coffee and my cat and my son, sleeping.  I love it.

When the house is sold - March 15 is the closing date - much of my connection to him will be gone.  Next step, focus on the divorce.

So my STBXBPH hasn't packed the house - organized it - anything.  It freaks me out , but I remind myself I have no control.  He says he has an apartment, but again, he doesn't really say he's ready to move on the 15th. 

Being Out of the FOG is fabulous - even if I have to give him 50% of what I have, I'd rather be here.  Having someone negatively impact your life on a daily basis isn't living.  And, staying married for the kids?  Yeah, I thought that too.  But, I agree with other posts - being in a peaceful home 50% of the time is much much better.


After reading this, please send a positive thought to the Closing Date Fairy that it goes through on 3/15

[hhaw]

You're almost out, Pfnw!

::Sending positive vibes and readying Snoopie dance of success!!::.

Breathe and enjoy your restful sacred PD free space.

Yes.

[blunk]

I am so glad to hear that you are out of the house, and enjoying the peace of your own apartment.

I will be keeping my fingers crossed that you are able to close on the 15th. And also hoping that your divorce goes quickly and smoothly (as much as it can with a pd involved).

[JustKeepTrying]

What a nightmare!  So much stress and anxiety.  I am glad you are out and in your own place and i will pray to the real estate gods that you can close in a week.

My ex played me using covid as an excuse for two years.  left me a nightmare of a mess to clean up and then stuck me with thousands of bills to get the house ready to sell.  When we finally closed I bought a large bottle of champagne to celebrate.  I had been divorced for two years but didn't feel really seperated until that last link was severed.

It will feel good when it is all over.

[GentleSoul]

How lovely to be out of the house.  All the best for the 15th.

I hear you on the stink of weed, in my case it was the stink of stale whisky!!  Urgh. 

My home smells of beautiful wax melts now.