Choosing FWB relationship with pwBPD

[Googooboo]

I chose to be in a FWB realtionship with a man with BPD.

TLDR at end. I have a SO who knows and is okay with this. PwBPD is dx quiet type and in active therapy for a few years. He was upfront about BPD and how it affects him. He communicates openly and honestly about his other (potential) partners to me (in the poly community this is normal and expected). I like this guy. In order to give this relationship a good chance Ive read lots on BPD. How can I tell if he is pretending to be an ideal partner or if this is the real him?

PwBPD says me being attractive and interested YET unavailable to him is something he thinks will stop him from push/pull as he knows upfront I am already unavailable. He used to cling to unattractive people who were available to him for emotional stability cuz they would be less likely to leave. Attractive available and interested women caused him to flee or end things early due to fear of abandonment. He portrays his exes as crazy/unstable. These were before he got dx and started intense treatment.

From what Ive read Ive a few questions. Do pwBPD not initiate text messages? When they start going days without contact is that a BPD test, distancing or normal pwBPD behavior? Non-bpd people can also do this with text messaging. The info on BPD and mirroring has me second-guessing if this lovely man is genuine. If I didnt know about his dx I would not be questioning it. He appears to have made big changes in his life in managing his emotions and realtionships. He says his therapist is aware of this realtionship and the other ones he is engaging in. I dont know any of his friends. Normally in a FWB situation I wouldnt want to know his friends. With the BPD info I do wonder if I should dig deeper or simply enjoy it for the sex and the moments of temporary intimacy. I would like to keep him as a FWB. The BPD info makes me understand that it will end some time, and Im okay with that as I have a SO primary partner.

I am not asking for comments on the poly lifestyle. We are consenting adults. SO knows about this FWB. I am seeking feedback on dx quiet BPD in treatment to avoid pitfalls. Apols if I appear to objectify him, I do care for him. I have tried to find answers to the above before posting here. Thank you for reading.

TLDR: How to tell if dx pwBPD in treatment FWB is genuine or mirroring?

[1footouttadefog]

So given the chosen parameters of the relationship, that it's FWB, poly, and he had BPD, I think sex and superficial company is all you should expect.

A committed manogamous relationship with a BPD person often ends up looking like roommates with benefits anyway if it works out not to be an abusive mess.