Advice Needed - ex being threatening

[Justanotherlostgirl1]

Hi all,

Hope you remember me! I need some advice from people who have experienced this. I just want all my basis covered and to make sure I've thought of everything.

I have told my husband we are separated and over since I left him a few months ago.  Some people close to him have contacted me saying he has told them he is going to come here (to the country I am in now) and kidnap our child. He says he wants to do this to hurt me. Not really surprised honestly.

I am of course internally freaking out. I do believe that this is just talk, but I also want to be prepared for if he does try to do this. At this point in time I am in contact with a lawyer. Please keep in mind I am not going to be able to get recording of him saying these things. I know I will have to tell my child's school and potentially put a hold on my child's passport. I am considering joining a gun club and getting a gun license.

Does anyone have any other suggestions? I am trying to be as rational as I can, but this is scaring me. My ex is thousands of miles away, and he can still get into my head. All thoughts welcome!

[1footouttadefog]

Is there some way you can report these threats to authorities and cause his passport to flagged. 

If your child or children attend school or child care services I would warn the teachers of this potential. 

Would the children require a passport and other identification to fly, perhaps you could keep those documents locked up in a bank safe deposit box or at a trusted family members place.  Or at least in a strong box and hidden at home. 

I would talk with police about having a restraining order placed if that is possible.

[Justanotherlostgirl1]

Is there some way you can report these threats to authorities and cause his passport to flagged. 

If your child or children attend school or child care services I would warn the teachers of this potential. 

Would the children require a passport and other identification to fly, perhaps you could keep those documents locked up in a bank safe deposit box or at a trusted family members place.  Or at least in a strong box and hidden at home. 

I would talk with police about having a restraining order placed if that is possible.

Hi 1foot,

Yes I will flag my kids passport and etc. my ex would need the passports to leave the country with our child.

What I worry more about is my ex coming here and hurting our child to hurt me.

I am pretty sure these are empty threats. How do I not let this stuff affect me? Any advice here? I have made myself very clear that our relationship is over and that my ex can have access to our child. I'm not going to alienate my kid from him.

Before I left I was really worried my ex might kick off. He didn't so I am probably overthinking. Besides going no contact (I can't, my child) what can I do? Should I confront him? Use GR and MC? This is a pretty serious thing to  tell people.

[SonofThunder]

JALG1,

Sorry you are experiencing these threats.  I have no experience in these types of things.   

Not sure if you need to be in contact, for certain reasons, with him or these people close to him.  How about a boundary on yourself that you will only accept audio phone calls from certain trusted people who do not associate with him, but all people associated with your husband, you will only accept email or text, so you have all said in writing. 

You wrote:  "Besides going no contact (I can't, my child)...". 

Are you legally unable to go NC for some reason? 

SoT

[JollyJazz]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Firstly - it's good that he is your EX! Well done on getting away!!!

Secondly, is there any way you could record future calls? Letting them go to voicemail mean they get recorded as well as email.

That said, I personally would definitely report his threatening behavior to the Police, authorities etc.

The other thing is, just taking care of yourself emotionally, it could well be these are just empty threats designed to intimate, but it's super stressful. Are you able to access a therapist to help you through this rough time?

Big hugs and sorry to hear you are going through this awful stuff