Small communications through kids

[Bunnyme1]

His visits are supervised by a family member, and when that family member helped the children put a Valentine bag together for me, he snuck in a treat for me.  Right as I was putting the kids in the car, he mentioned that I should check the bag when I got home and how he was really proud of himself for finding it for me.    My response was simply, "ok."
In the name of being civil, I sent one,  "I got it.  Thank you," after I saw it   Tonight, he was on the phone with the kids, and I could hear him calling out for me (which is why I'm always somewhere else).  When I didn't respond, he started asking our child about the gift he gave me.  Did I like it, did I use it yet...  (I hadn't)  My kid calls out to relay the message and ask if I liked it. I simply said, "I already messaged him about it," and left it at that.

It is annoying that he puts the kids in the middle to try to get in his supply from me. I know how it sounds.  If this were a "normal" relationship, it wouldn't be a big deal. It  shouldn't be a big deal.  He hasn't yet done it with big things, like relaying visitation requests or anything, but I know how this goes.  It always starts small.  I'm posting because most of you know how this goes, too.  It puts me in a hard position,  as it does sound totally dumb if I write a message asking him not to communicate through the kids when all we are talking about is a $5 gift.  Once again, I get set up to look like the irrational one who overreacts to everything, which he then uses to gain supply from the flying monkeys.  I didn't say anything about it.  I have much bigger issues with him, so I'm choosing my battles, but hoping I'm not opening a small crack that he is going to end up busting through.

[Penny Lane]

You did great! Hopefully he'll learn that he can't get attention from you through the kids, and he'll stop doing it eventually.

[Stillirise]

I agree with PL.  You handled it well.  My thought is mentioning it further, even if it's asking  him to not do it in the future, provides some degree of supply. Yes, he may continue to challenge your boundaries for a long time, but hopefully he eventually gets tired of it and moves on.  As long as his challenges that involve the kids remain civil, they will likely not think anything of it. I believe my children are a little older, and do have unsupervised overnight visits. I've had conversations with them, because he questions them about my personal life. Since I know mentioning it to him will only give supply, by knowing the kids and I have discussed it, I use it as a broader discussion with them, about the differences in privacy and secrecy, and boundaries in general.  Your children will begin to take cues from you, as far as how you handle it.

[athene1399]

I think you did a good job of sticking to your boundaries. You also kept your answers short and sweet when replying too.

On a side note, how annoying in general. But hopefully if you stick to your boundaries he will realize you won't give the reaction he is looking for and won't give him any supply.

[Free2Bme]

You handled this very well.

Yes, the entire purpose is to put you in a bad position. 

The gift is about making himself look good to others, the kids, the supervising family member, whoever else is watching.

Controlling the narrative is the game.  IME, this behavior got worse before it got better.

Hang in there Bunnyme, you got this!