Suggestions for long car rides?

[11JB68]

Ds24 has moved out. Sad for me,  but so happy for him, he got a promotion and needs to be close to home office.
He is now 2hours away.
We plan to visit regularly.
As many of you know long car rides can be brutal with a pwpd.
We have little to talk about.  Yet 2 hours each way is along time to ride in silence.
Any suggestions for MC ways to pass the time and make small talk?

[Poison Ivy]

CDs, the radio, audiobooks.

[Cascade]

I used to make up stories in my head, like as if I was planning on writing a book. I could get lost in that for an hour or more and it made any trip feel shorter. Still, 4 hours in a car with a PD is a long time. Listening to CDs is good if you can agree on what to listen to or tolerate their choices.

[escapingman]

A bit off topic but after my last car journey with uNPDw aka STBX I decided to never go further than the supermarket with her (and that's a push). I was driving and a car decided to drive out in front of us from a side road and I slammed my brakes and just missed crashing into it, then said with relief it was lucky I wasn't driving faster, whereby I got told off for driving to slow and how fed up she was with me driving so slow ranting for the rest of the journey. 

[SonofThunder]

11JB68,

I cannot recommend these enough.  One the best 200-300 dollars (not certain of your world location) I have ever spent.  Bose Quietcomfort over-ear wireless (bluetooth) noise-cancelling headphones.  Ive posted about these before.  Benefits for anywhere! (not just the car).  Noise canceling technology and over the ear headphones (not earbuds), and fantastic high-fidelity sound provides me:

-self control over what comes into my ears.  (boundary)

-i can provide manufactured silence to myself anywhere (boundary)

-i can provide self-chosen sound (music, books, nature sounds, whatever)  to myself anywhere (boundary)

-i convey a visual boundary to my PD person, as they see i have chosen an over-ear headphone, When i put them on, they see the headphones and know i have created a physical boundary that must be removed by ME, for them to be heard.  If they choose to speak to me while I'm wearing, i have a MC common sense reply for why they were not heard, and to be heard, i must remove my headphones (i control my boundary).

-I convey a known audio boundary to my PD person (same attributes as physical boundary).

-I convey control of my own personal space.  Cars especially can be a PD drama trap for a non, so when i put my headphones on, i close a virtual space door, creating a barrier and isolating my personal space. 

I 100% notice the effects of the above list, in a disarming way with my uPDw.  She may have intended to silent treatment me in the car, or attempt to have a difficult discussion, but i put on my headphones and her intentions are instantly thwarted.  Same for anywhere!   

Again, i cannot recommend enough. Enjoy your silence, books, music, movies, TV, apps, games, whatever!  And enjoy the boundary victory and relaxation anywhere.  This is excellent use also for working from home for the same boundary reasons! 

https://www.bose.com/en_us/products/headphones/noise_cancelling_headphones.html

SoT

[BeautifulCrazy]

My suggestion is to just go alone as often as possible.
Surely DS will be able to make the trip sometimes instead of you having to always go to him?
I'd reserve most of the trips to go see him as solo trips.
You might find, as time goes on, you aren't making the drive all that often anyway. When I was 24 and lived apart from my parents, I was the one who did most of the driving. It was much more comfortable to go visit home than to have my parents in my space. After the first few visits, when my parents came to check out the new place and I got to show off the cool spots in the area, it was always better to go home and see mom than have her come down to visit me.

I also want to gently suggest that DS is a full grown adult, as is your DH, and you are not responsible for maintaining the relationship between them. Maybe you can let them negotiate visits and time spent all on their own, while you do the same?

Actual driving suggestions:
- make a playlist / mixtape or three and sing along and enjoy yourself as if he isn't even there
-  find an audio game or gameshow you can play, like jeopardy or another trivia game
- comedy shows are good in the car (you might choose to compromise your own preference to listen to someone he thinks is funny. If you can just relax and laugh at some of it too, it is a nice MC way to hang out and connect a bit. My OCPDh enjoyed this on one of our weekend trips, and told me afterward, "I forgot how fun you can be." He was cheerful for a day and a half after that ride, which was great for everybody!)

[11JB68]

Thanks all.
Beautiful crazy I am thinking along those lines.  Thought of bringing trivia cards,  then thought of listening to podcasts or comedy on Spotify.
My suggestion to him was to find a podcast we would both find interesting and could discuss.
He immediately went to a topic related to a hobby of HIS. Disappointing,  but honestly I guess I don't care.  As long as he's occupied/distracted it will take the pressure off me.
And I really dislike being compelled to listen to music I don't like.
Sadly....he is already complaining about the hassle of making these trips!!
We literally have NO life. He needs his nap.
I said I can drive and he can nap. Nope. He has to drive.
I can't win.
If this goes south.....this could be the proverbial hill I'm willing to die on.
Cuz yeah he won't want me going without him.

[BeautifulCrazy]

Maybe some headphones on, he drives, and you lie back and pretend to be asleep?

With my OCPDh it was fine with me if he chose something related to HIS interests.
I found I could go wherever I liked inside my head while he listened to his stuff.
And if I let my attention drift now and then to whatever he was listening to, I could usually come up with a question or observation for later (or the ride home). I could pull that out and let him be the knowledgeable expert (which he loves!). And then he can instruct (or pontificate or rant) at length  while I am gone to Carolina in my mind.

[Poison Ivy]

Please don't allow your husband to dictate whether you visit your son.

[square]

Please don't allow your husband to dictate whether you visit your son.

JB, I don't think there's any danger you will allow this to happen, but I wanted to reinforce it anyway.

I know how possible it is for us nons to chip away at ourselves and our priorities and our other relationships to try to keep this totally false but promising sense of a very shaky peace.

I have made compromises that I deeply regret.

From a mom to another mom, you're right, this is a hill to die on.

[11JB68]

Thanks everyone.
Today's visit went OK
We did listen to a podcast,  about ds's field, something technical.
Occasionally I paused it and asked a question or made a comment.  Updh seemed to enjoy it.
Next week we are trying a FaceTime visit.
Beautiful crazy,  our uocpdhs seem similar.
And yeah seeing my ds is something I will not sacrifice.

[1footouttadefog]

I used to get a USA today and read or have pdh read some headlines and stuff out loud.

Between movie and book reviews, sports, news, and such there was fodder for conversation.