Hi. And WOW

[Audacity]

I would like to say hi. I am reading the book. I didn't know or believe such a thing could happen to me.
I know I am new and just starting to find my way Out of the FOG, but as I read it is just opening my eyes.
I say things to myself, like she is not like that, or I am at fault for some or a lot, or is it me. Then I read the section that talks about blaming self, or they may not all be as extreme and can do X.
I must admit I am astonished to read some things in this book. I can see more clearly now. But must admit that I am scared. I am just starting to separate and I am absolutely petrified about losing my home, reputation and kids. She is great at playing the victim and even draws me back in.

[Starboard Song]

Take it slow, and welcome.

If you haven't checked out our Toolbox, do so soon. Pages on How It Feels will be validating, if you share my experience. And the What To Do pages are disguised gold. Each tactic: Boundaries, Gray Rock, 50% Rule, Three Cs, 51% Rule -- each one could have an entire book on it, rather than a single web page.

There are many possible destinations for this route you are on. Please focus on today: not possible scenarios. You are on a path to make choices that improve your lot, not degrade it.

Be ever so patient with yourself. And be optimistic: you can make good things happen, however constrained you may be by circumstance.

Be good. Be strong. We look forward to seeing you on the topical boards, when you are ready.

[Audacity]

Thank you. I will look there. Many things I am now experiencing sound crazy when I try to explain to my therapist. But the one that scares me the most that I am to ashamed to talk of is the fear I have for my self. Everyone else saw the threat she made when she was angry that I took her off the home insurance. That I was going to profit from the event if the house burned down. I couldn't comprehend what she was talking about, but my auntie warned me she was thinking of setting the house on fire and I must have just avoided it by getting her name of the insurance by accident. And the concern I fell when pushed to almost taking my life. She sat outside the shed but never called for help to stop me. Or the time I and my 2 sons had influenza A and where close to death but she left us and went to work for the three days we were unconscious and lived in the lounge room to avoid us. I would wake up in a panic and crawl around the room to make sure the boys were alive and had water.
It is not until I read the book that I saw these for what they were. Before I believed them to be my fault for being weak or she was saving me from embarrassment.
I will read through the toolbox pages. I am on my way out and want to stay the course.