Hello new here

[Freedom]

Hi all
Decided to join after FOG was recommended by a friend.
I have two teenage kids and an estranged relationship with my BDP sister.
My sister was diagnosed BPD in 2014/15, had years of anxiety / depression before that.  Recently things have escalated.  A few years ago she changed her medication for anxiety and depression because she felt it wasn't working any more.  Her Dr changed her meds a few times and that's when the downhill slide started.  She's become house bound and virtually bed bound.  Has rejected mental health services fir the last 5 years or so.   Is obsessed with her medication, self diagnosed herself with another condition - after reading online about it - and has now developed a self diagnosed intolerance to any fragrance. She has an adult son who she infantalises. He left school early and missed his exams due to his mother's illness.  He's incapable of doing much for himself due to her influence.  Thankfully he has some support now.  She threatens suicide if we dare to suggest that she has a mental health problem or needs mental health support.  She has paid out a fortune on private sessions and has basically surrounded herself with enablers.  Anyone that challenges her is out and the favourite line is "No one can help me".  After years of playing the "fix it" role I realised that wasn't helping and all my efforts were thrown back in my face anyway.  I rarely see her due to protecting my boundaries and my children's.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I can identify with a lot about what you have posted about.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. She displays lots of waif like behaviour. She self diagnoses herself with life threatening illnesses which often change. She's a walking miracle!

She also has support from a world renowned hospital but says that they have misdiagnosed her condition and don't know what they are doing.

She has threatened suicide for years especially if we dare to challenge or criticise her behaviour. Her narcissistic rages are terrifying.

I have redefined her as my abuser and that I am her target of abuse. I have not been in contact with her for over two years. I never want to see her ever again. I've had enough. I care but can't cope.

She has caused so much chaos and trauma in our family for decades. 

Abusers are all about power and control.

Observe don't absorb.

Be a lighthouse not a lifeboat.

You don't have to set yourself on fire in order to help keep someone else warm.

I have learnt not to do "idiot compassion" any more where I am the idiot. It's a Buddhist term.

I hope your nephew can get more support.

My sister has two children. She made them parentify her for years when they were younger. Now they are adults and have managed to get away.

People don't realise the impact that one person's behaviour can have on the rest of the extended family.

You may like to follow Kris Godinez on YouTube. She is an author and mental health professional who specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and how targets of abuse can cope better. Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez". I have learnt a lot from her.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[Freedom]

Many thanks that helps allot to know I'm not alone and rings very true.  Like your sister, mine has had help from many well meaning friends, family and professionals.  She has turned on most of them blaming them for something or other or discrediting professionals.  I've realised that my mother enables her greatly.  It's "golden child syndrome" and I've always been the scapegoat.  My mother parentified my sister and I - often saying that we did nothing to help and support her. Yet when we tried to help she would reject or push away. Still does now.  I've hardly heard from my mother since my sister has moved in. However it's better for my mental wellbeing to stay away.  Yes I hope my nephew breaks away.  It is abusive behaviour.  I wish that I could have done more for my nephew - but she's so protective and he is protective of her. 
Will watch those videos.

Thank s again.

[guitarman]

You are very welcome.