No good deed goes unpunished....

p123 · March 10, 2022, 03:37:20 AM

Dad has pay TV (Sky its called in the UK). Hes always moaning its expensive.

Stupidly, I agreed to contact them to get it cheaper. So sorted new deal, saving him £25 a month. But it would mean an upgraded set top box (called Sky Q) which would mean an engineer visit. I forgot since hes got a communal dish I need to consider this.

The drama this has caused with Dad is unreal. Hes hasssling me constantly to sort it out, phone the flat owners etc. Then hes stressing about, how are they going to fit the new box, will they be able to get behind the TV, what if it goes wrong, what if whoever turns up doesnt know what they're doing, what if the sky falls in.

Then, apparently, I've GOT TO BE AVAILABLE that day he has it fitted. In fact, CAN I TAKE A DAY OFF WORK. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can see whats going to happen. Its going to be slightly different than hes used to, hes going to flap, panic over everything and expect me drop everything and drive 30 mins to him.

I'm now cancelling the order with Sky. He can stay on the same package..... Not my problem. Am I being mean?

This is the guy who "no way am I ever going in a home - I can look after myself" yet wants his hand held when someone visits his house to perform a simple task.....

GentleSoul · March 10, 2022, 07:29:14 AM

No you are not being mean! At all!

I so totally relate to this. I learnt from the most hideous of experiences DO NOT get involved with PD's and tech be it Sky TV or computer stuff.

Also I think they make a point of not understanding it. Weaponised incompetence. Plus once you have the role of tech fixer person you are done for. It is your job for life. Attention seeking at its finest!

p123 · March 10, 2022, 07:39:47 AM

Its the drama that gets me - "Im so worried about it I can't sleep"

People dying in Ukraine and my Dads flapping that the installer they send will screw it up. Pathetic really.

GentleSoul · March 10, 2022, 07:55:32 AM

Quote from: p123 on March 10, 2022, 07:39:47 AM
Its the drama that gets me - "Im so worried about it I can't sleep"

People dying in Ukraine and my Dads flapping that the installer they send will screw it up. Pathetic really.

Yeah, it's all so messed up and distorted. I noticed this with late PD mum and dad, the trivial was really ramped up to huge importance but the genuinely important issues were completely ignored.

My experience with PD people (and alcoholics) is that everything is backwards. The compete reverse of healthy.

Hazy111 · March 10, 2022, 09:27:36 AM

Control and supply

moglow · March 10, 2022, 10:43:20 AM

QuoteIts the drama that gets me - "Im so worried about it I can't sleep"

RIGHT?!!! Um, the installer is trained and paid to do this job, has likely done it countless times. It might not be perfect first round as it's not unusual to bump into some glitches with any installation, but they'll sort it. They test it. They backdoor to see what they can fix or reset from a distance. They swap out defective components etc. All he has to do is sit down and stay out of the way.

Problem for him really is it's new. He could have a new process to learn, it won't work exactly the same as what he's used to etc. Life - It changes, pops.

BUT brace yourself, now he has a "but didn't you say there's a cheaper plan? I need you to switch me to that..." option. No. The price of the aggravation puts it right out of your price range.

p123 · March 14, 2022, 04:18:05 AM

Quote from: moglow on March 10, 2022, 10:43:20 AM
QuoteIts the drama that gets me - "Im so worried about it I can't sleep"

RIGHT?!!! Um, the installer is trained and paid to do this job, has likely done it countless times. It might not be perfect first round as it's not unusual to bump into some glitches with any installation, but they'll sort it. They test it. They backdoor to see what they can fix or reset from a distance. They swap out defective components etc. All he has to do is sit down and stay out of the way.

Problem for him really is it's new. He could have a new process to learn, it won't work exactly the same as what he's used to etc. Life - It changes, pops.

BUT brace yourself, now he has a "but didn't you say there's a cheaper plan? I need you to switch me to that..." option. No. The price of the aggravation puts it right out of your price range.

EXACTLY! Its cancelled now. His £25 a month (and he can well afford it!) is not worth hours and hours of time and him moaning about it.

His best ever was his Boiler Service. They check for gas leaks. Theres a tolerance apparently and everything leaks and is not 0. Apparently, it is over, say 10, then they have to do something. But this limit is still something like 20x lower than its even possible to explode or cause a problem.

You guessed it. "IVE GOT A GAS LEAK!!!!!!!", LEAVE WORK NOW AND COME AND GET ME, THE MAN ISNT COMING BACK UNTIL 2PM. THE HOUSE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!"

I actually manged to talk to the engineer who explained the above. It wasnt urgent just something that had to be done, but no issues, he'd be back with parts in a few hours.

So I told Dad this. "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO LEAVE WORK NOW TO CHECK HE DOES IT RIGHT!"

Ummm No. Once again this guy is a trained engineer, I work with computers so know nothing about it AT ALL. I'd just be in the way. I did refuse to go.
For weeks after, I had "I can't sleep, I keep thinking the house is going to explode, I've told all the neighbours and they're concerned too". Of course, the engineer had done the work, rechecked it, and passed it all safe....

Prime candidate for nirsing home is my Dad to be honest....

nanotech · March 18, 2022, 05:09:56 AM

Hey P123, I didn't know that about gas leaks, that they can be there, but not very serious. PDs are incredibly dramatic, aren't they?
BPD mum once made us evacuate the house. The boiler was apparently making funny noises. We all stood in the garden,, expecting the house to explode! The gas guy came- it wasn't anything dangerous- I think he serviced it a little, then left.
Standing in the garden, I remember feeling simultaneously petrified, yet very silly. This was before the gas guy arrived. When he did, he grinned at us all standing like idiots on the grass, all because of a chugging boiler. Yup- silly!

If it thundered in the night, mum would drag us out of bed to go downstairs. This was in case the roof got struck by lightning. One night I refused to get out of bed- I was the only one to stay upstairs. I see this as my first rebellion to the nonsense that went in in our home. Some of the anxiety about safety did get into my bones though. I have had my issues with it over the years. It's affected my FOC. It got a lot worse when my mum passed away.
According to the book ' toxic parents' it's a manifestation of narcissistic control. It has nothing to do with safety.

p123 · March 18, 2022, 06:58:04 AM

Quote from: nanotech on March 18, 2022, 05:09:56 AM
Hey P123, I didn't know that about gas leaks, that they can be there, but not very serious. PDs are incredibly dramatic, aren't they?
BPD mum once made us evacuate the house. The boiler was apparently making funny noises. We all stood in the garden,, expecting the house to explode! The gas guy came- it wasn't anything dangerous- I think he serviced it a little, then left.
Standing in the garden, I remember feeling simultaneously petrified, yet very silly. This was before the gas guy arrived. When he did, he grinned at us all standing like idiots on the grass, all because of a chugging boiler. Yup- silly!

If it thundered in the night, mum would drag us out of bed to go downstairs. This was in case the roof got struck by lightning. One night I refused to get out of bed- I was the only one to stay upstairs. I see this as my first rebellion to the nonsense that went in in our home. Some of the anxiety about safety did get into my bones though. I have had my issues with it over the years. It's affected my FOC. It got a lot worse when my mum passed away.
According to the book ' toxic parents' it's a manifestation of narcissistic control. It has nothing to do with safety.

Well, I had a smart meter fitted the other day and was talking to the guy too...
Apparently, there is no such thing as a perfect non-leaky gas pipe. Mine was 8 ppm - he asked me if I could smell gas. Nah. Rules are if its over 5 and you can smell gas they have to fix it, if its over 10 then they do as well. Otherwise no.
The "level" needed to explode is something like 50000. So I think he'll be ok lol.

Funny about the lightening. That'd be Dad.
I remember years ago walking back to his house with him, a fire engine went past. Dad literally ran back to the house assuming his house was on fire! Of course, not once did he think the fire engine could have been going to one of about 1000 properties - he assumed it was his house.... Of course, he got home no sign of fire engine or fire.

I remember I couldn't stop laughing at it - he was dead serious when he said "it could have been my house - you never know". I always joke now and say "I could wake up tomorrow and the planets been invaded by aliens - you never know".

Lilyloo · March 19, 2022, 04:36:46 AM

P123, My husbands mom was the same. He constantly got calls about her TV. TV hysteria all the time! I felt bad for my husband. You were not mean at all. Yes, you'd be getting calls all the time that he didn't know how to do any of it. You did the right thing in cancelling. They expect to much! Its always drama!

blacksheep7 · March 19, 2022, 11:50:03 AM

They act like Children and seem to be ignorant about everything, hopeless and helpless. They don't even take the time to analyse anything, only press on the Red button and Bingo all problems are solved. So they think

I don't know how you do it, honestly, you deserve so much for keeping it together

Seven · March 19, 2022, 07:33:00 PM

Straight up, my one fear is lightning and tornadoes. For good reason. A lightning bolt twice came into our house during a summer storm. I was just me and uNPDm. I was in my single digits. Oh it happened all right. So I will absolutely get paranoid. A few years ago, as an adult, the tornado warnings were going off all day. I was in the bathtub with the dog.

But my mother with the TV remote. For yeaaaaarrrrsss it was her manipulative way to get one of her kids to come over. So much crying wolf, you couldn't tell her manipulations from her dementia.

nanotech · March 20, 2022, 06:17:10 PM

I also would be in the bathtub if a tornado was involved, xx

p123 · March 21, 2022, 05:30:15 AM

Quote from: Lilyloo on March 19, 2022, 04:36:46 AM
P123, My husbands mom was the same. He constantly got calls about her TV. TV hysteria all the time! I felt bad for my husband. You were not mean at all. Yes, you'd be getting calls all the time that he didn't know how to do any of it. You did the right thing in cancelling. They expect to much! Its always drama!

His saving of £25 a month would have resulted in probably one round trip visit and a drive of 40 miles once a week for the forseeable fugure. I'd be more than £25 out of pocket lol.

p123 · March 21, 2022, 05:32:18 AM

Quote from: nanotech on March 20, 2022, 06:17:10 PM
I also would be in the bathtub if a tornado was involved, xx

Ha ha I was in Florida a few years ago when a Cat 5 Hurricane hit..... We were staying in a private villa. Tiles off the roof, tree fell and mashed the pool surround, electricity went off. Never seen anything like it.

Its not like that in wales lol.

nanotech · March 21, 2022, 09:46:30 AM

Quote from: p123 on March 21, 2022, 05:32:18 AM
Quote from: nanotech on March 20, 2022, 06:17:10 PM
I also would be in the bathtub if a tornado was involved, xx

Ha ha I was in Florida a few years ago when a Cat 5 Hurricane hit..... We were staying in a private villa. Tiles off the roof, tree fell and mashed the pool surround, electricity went off. Never seen anything like it.

Its not like that in wales lol.

Nor England! Crikey! Glad everyone was ok.