Introduction- hi I am new

[getupagain]

  Hi I am new. Through counselling questionning, the psychologist's decision to extend my number of sessions and a Google search on how to deal with selfish parents, I discovered narcissistic personality disorder and realised that both my parents fit into this description. My psychologist had been trying to move me towards acceptance that they would not reflect and would react badly if I tried to redefine boundaries. The penny dropped when I read up about narcissism during my Internet search. It seems I have just started my 'lightbulb' moment. I am in my 50's and I am struggling to process this reality, despite being miserable yet again after the latest round of scapegoating and gas lighting last week. I did not realise this is what it was until I Googled. I am in early t0's and only just working it out now.
I am shocked yet validated at the same time. Is it normal to feel a sense of loss and loneliness, but feeling guilty that this knowledge would hurt my parents? How on earth are you supposed to accept that you have been a victim of emotional abuse by family members? I have friends who gave pushed me over and over again to reconnect with them because society says they are your parents...but it always ends up with me being wrong, stupid, and seen as over sensitive. To hear from anyone who gets this please say hi. X

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. I have not been in contact with her for over two years. I don't want to see her ever again. I've had enough of all the dramas she has created.

I now call her my abuser and I am her target of abuse.

Abusers are all about power and control.

I follow the author and counsellor Kris Godinez on YouTube. She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez". She has a podcast of the same name.

We need to look after ourselves and put our needs first. No one else is going to do that for us.

It isn't advised to tell your parents anything. They probably wouldn't understand anyway and would turn it all around to become the victim.

If it hurts it isn't love.

Observe don't absorb.

The more you learn about personality disorders the better you will be able to cope.

Ask yourself if these people were not related to you would you have anything to do with them? If the answer is "No" then act accordingly.

We can be conditioned to accept abuse from family members for decades because they are family. Abuse is never acceptable.

Little by little things can change for you.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[getupagain]

Thanks so much for your lovely help.
I am so sorry you have experienced such dreadful abuse from your family too. It is so hard to be strong and stand up for yourself.
I will definitely check out the writer you suggested. Any help is very gratefully received.
It is all a bit surreal at the moment. I hope things get better for us both. Thanks.x