Looking for a Friend

[mirarille]

Hello

My therapist recommended using this website because I have a narcissistic mother, and she thought it'd be a good idea for me to connect with people because I don't have the opportunity to get out and meet others. I also have social anxiety, so even if I had this opportunity, I still find it difficult to initiate connections. So, coming here is exactly what I need.

I discovered that my mom is narcissistic back in October 2021. She's abusive and has been this way ever since I was a child. She might no longer be physically abusive now, but she's very much emotionally abusing me till this day. One of the things she's doing is isolating me. I want to leave this messed up house, but I can't currently do this due to my financial situation and the country I reside in. I don't have a job, and I'm not allowed to drive or do anything to get a breath of fresh air unless she or certain family members come along. It's very suffocating to be honest. I'm almost 21, and I don't feel that I'm living my life like any healthy, "normal" adult would. The idea of her cutting all ways of me connecting with people hurts me immeasurably. It makes me feel very alone and feeling this way allows helplessness and hopelessness to find their way into my heart.
I'm doing better compared to before. Therapy is helping me, but of course, it's not the only solution to all my problems.

I recently left the religion my family believes in, and as much as it makes me feel good about discovering the truth, it still triggers some fears within me. I am terrified of them finding out because it could cost my life, but what's the point of living without taking risks? I'd rather die holding onto what I believe in rather than live an inauthentic life. Yet, I'm being more mindful of my actions so that I can ensure my safety. However, I want to find people who accept me for who I am and wouldn't let our differences define our relationship. That's why I took the step to come here. I want to connect with people who relate to the experiences I've gone through and still go through, and I'm also open to people who simply seek connection. We don't have to share the same experiences because we can still accept, love, and support each other. If you're interested, don't hesitate to contact me.

Wishing you all the best!

[notrightinthehead]

Wow! Welcome! Sounds like you have to tread very carefully, given your circumstances.  I suggest learning as much as you can about what you are dealing with. Start with the Personality disorders Tab and read the traits. You might find many that you have observed in your mother and many that you have not, you might even find some that you have shown. Just be aware that these traits come on a scale, the more of them a person displays and the less flexible they are in their responses, the more likely  they might be suffering with a Personality disorder.
Also please study the Toolbox tab and start implementing the strategies that are applicable to your situation. Your first priority has to be to keep yourself safe! I found that the tools Medium chill,  boundaries and non JADE made my life so much calmer.
See you around on the boards.

[Happiness_3]

Hey. I'm also new, like you, and trying to find a friend. We can relate on quite a few things, I also have a uNPD mum in my hometown who is emotionally abusive (sometimes actively, sometimes passively), and another uNPD ex where I study. Between the two of them and my severe CPTSD, I'm just out here trying to get through the days without breaking down. If you'd like we can stay in touch. I also have a hard time making new friends, so I'd be glad to support you through this. Hope today's easier for you than yesterday. Love and luck.

[alexandra4awhile]

Hi!
Im Alex, nice to meet you (even if virtually). Im 21 years old.
Im also new and looking for someone to just chat about this crazy stuff to... I feel like Id like to connect with people who understand the pain of your mother, the most important and loved person in your life, being abusive and having a highly complex and often toxic personality disorder.
Anyways my mum has diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. It was really hard on me growing up and for the longest time I never reached out, I was much too devastated to do anything other than suffer through the pain alone and miserable, locked in my room. Luckily I am breaking free a little these days, by getting some physical distance and therefore independence, although it never stops hurting.
I am sorry to hear that your mum keeps you so isolated! That must be extremely difficult, I can only imagine how painful it must be sometimes. If you want, then you could write to me, and you can tell me some of your experiences and Ill tell you some of mine.
Best of luck and hang in there. Remember, you need to protect yourself and your own wellbeing, and whatever you need to do to do that, it's ok.
Lots of love from Alex