Difficulty orienting

[Happiness_3]

Hey guys. Thank you for the comment on my last post. To update, today I had to study and think about going back to the city where I study, also where NPDx is. I broke down in front of the two friends I had there and they were more or less encouraging to say the least. NC is the smaller beast, there are bigger beasts to battle. I am still not over the isolation I felt, I'm anhedonic and I'm surrounded by children - Is it common to feel parental love for your abuser? I took care of him, fed him, tucked him in bed, sang him to sleep, and sometimes he would do the same for me. I am not acquainted to living without taking care of another being now, my body feels devoid of purpose and quite confused as to what I need to do with all the love and care I have that I cannot give. I'm craving to just hold someone that feels like him, but of course nobody quite fits. Not even actual children, I've tried. I tried playing with a furry animal too, and it doesn't seem to be helping. How do you get over the tactile comfort of the hands that abused you?

[1footouttadefog]

It will likely come with time.  In the mean time practice self care.  Holistically.  Fill as many voids as you can in healthy ways.  Eat well and eat delicious things.  Make your living spaces appealing and enjoyable to you. Clean your car or have it done.  Read interesting and entertaining things.  Watch informative and entertaining things.  Take in the arts.  Music, museums, or engage yourself.  Exercise, take good baths or go for a swim.  Spend time with friends. Seek spiritual opportunities.   Take care of you , all of you and the whole will be minimized

[1footouttadefog]

I read your other post and it n light of that and having more c ok n text I thought I would add some more thoughts.

I am glad you are here at Out of the FOG.  It has been very helpful to oh so many people who were in a bad place and feeling very low when they came.

Please have hope that things can get better.  You will find non judgemental community here.  You can also find people who will ask hard questions or direct you toward hard to take facts about the nature of PD relationships and abuse. 

I hope you find information and support that will set you on a path to  better and abuse free circumstances soon. 

Be Strong and take care of yourself as you heal and learn lifelong lessons that will help keep you from being vulnerable to abuse in the future