Vindictive Thoughts

[TiredOfNarcs]

Is it bad that there's an evil little gremlin in the back of my mind that wants to fuck his whole life up like he tried to do to mine? Wreck his new "relationship," turn all his friends against him, make him fall from grace in the eyes of the public? Watch with a grin as his precious reputation goes down in flames? I think the reason I keep finding myself mentally hovering over that nuclear button is because of how easy it would be to press: all I'd need to do is open my mouth and tell the truth. He knows it too. That's why he was so on my ass about wanting to know what I'd been saying to our mutual friends, immediately assuming they would hate him if they got the smallest taste of my side of the story.
Sometimes it's a struggle not to share too much with these mutual friends, because of how badly I want them and the world to know him for the man he truly is so I don't have to face the frustration of being the sole person who knows the truth. I did drunkenly reveal quite a lot to one of our mutual friends, and now I'm a bit worried about what she's going to say to the new supply, who is also a friend of hers. Of course I'm rooting for anybody who has the misfortune of finding themselves in a relationship with my ex to get the fuck out quick, but at the end of the day I need to save myself before I can save others - if my narcissistic ex thinks I'm responsible for turning public opinion against him or convincing the new supply to ditch him, I don't even want to think about how low he will go to retaliate.
I know I have to control that evil little gremlin in my head for the sake of my own self-preservation...but sometimes mentally entertaining the gremlin brings me the slightest bit of catharsis.

[escapingman]

No I don't think it is bad, it's just natural to want to hurt the one who hurt us so much. I am toying with the though of releasing my voice recordings to all of STBX's family and friends if things get really ugly, I don't think I benefit from it but the idea makes me feel good at times.

[BeautifulCrazy]

It does feel good sometimes to entertain a little revenge fantasy, doesn't it?  Oh, boy! I used to have a few beautiful scenarios involving my ex husband and massive public humiliation.... or my ex husband, a wood chipper and a fast flowing stream.

At some point though, we have to let it go and choose to dwell on the positive things in our lives.

Here are some of the quotes I wrote in my journal back when I still had thoughts of revenge:

A wise man said:
Don't take revenge. The rotten fruits will fall by themselves.

Revenge can only be found on the road to self destruction.

Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Living well is the best revenge.

Don't take it on yourself to repay a wrong. Trust the Lord and He will make it right. Proverbs 20:22

What further revenge do you need? The one who hurt you, already lost you.

You're already making so much progress distancing yourself from your ex!! Keep up the excellent work!! 

[Poison Ivy]

Great post, BeautifulCrazy. Thank you.

[1footouttadefog]

I know it's not easy, but rebuild your own life, new friends new activities, new motivations and goals and leave him behind.

These others will either see the truth or not.  And if not they might no longer be a match for your out of the dog and no longer accepting abuse self. 

[Boat Babe]

My fave revenge quote is: When you set out to seek revenge, dig two graves. 

I totally get your fantasy of revenge justice. I won't share mine cos it'll get me banned! However, I'm really glad I walked away and stayed away and I think our absence and silence wounds them more than we think. That may be the only "in person" revenge you'll get.

The best revenge however is that hoary cliche, a life well lived. That is something that takes a bit of time and practice and learning. Now is always the right time to start that process.

You can be magnificent!

[Poison Ivy]

 

[TiredOfNarcs]

I don't know if I made this clear in my original post but just in case - I'm not going to actually enact any sort of revenge against him. Knowing the man he is, he'll ruin himself all on his own. Hell, just today my friend saw his car get ticketed and circled by an officer for doing the exact same illegal parking that got him court-ordered driver's ed just a few months ago due to how many times he'd done it, lol.

[Empie2204]

I think vindictive thoughts are not harmful as long as you see the difference between them and reality.

I still imagine some situations from time to time, and I know they will probably never happen. Besides, my vindictive thoughts evolved through time. That is positive. In the beginning, they were, let´s put it mildly, pretty violent.

Now, they contain only some potential scenes which I might go through if I ever meet him again. In them, I train my conduct and reactions.

The way things developed, he is suffering enough.

[1footouttadefog]

That above should have read Out of the FOG not dog.

I was not implying you would act on these thoughts.  They are totally human thoughts BTW.  I get it and know from experience you are better to spend time and mental energy rebuilding yourself and your life. 

I am trying to limit the time and energy my pdh gets to waste.  I have my own goals and am building my next chapter now and I need my energy for positive directions.

[Happiness_3]

I understand your gremlin, ahahah. I can't lie, I've wanted that too a few times but then I realise: I cannot take revenge on my narc because life itself will do it for me. He might never be happy in his life, no matter how much he travels, no matter how many people he beds or weds. The worst we can do to them is be indifferent to them, anger or sadness or any emotion we feel for them is just going to keep them relevant in our lives. I have mentally had to pretend he simply is no more. Like Thanos snapped him out of existence in a way that past me will not remember him and future me will learn to be wary of his kind. Present me, although, struggles. Hang in there. You're not alone.