Wish the grey rocking would work quicker

[TiredOfNarcs]

Had another unfortunate encounter with my narc ex last night. Despite running around to my friends a few weeks ago complaining that I didn't want to talk to him after I grey rocked him the last time we interacted, he had no hesitation when it came to strolling right up to me and the group I was chatting amongst and casually greeting all of us like friends. Everyone in the huddle knew of him, but none of us consider him a friend, although he seems to be under some very mistaken impressions about a few of those people. All of us were polite but brief in our responses to him, and as I pulled out my phone to use a fake "approaching uber ride" as an excuse to leave, he tried getting my attention again by asking me if everything was "good." Had no clue what he meant by that question but I nonchalantly said "yeah, I got an uber about to arrive so I gotta go, bye guys" and left without making eye contact with him.

...So he was able to pick up that I wasn't interested in speaking to him the last time we crossed paths, but still thought we were on speaking terms now?? The hopeful side of me thinks this is just part of the extinguishing process and that after a while he'll finally get the message that I'm never going to give him any more supply and he'll give up. His new supply just ditched him, after all.

However, I'm also starting to fear that he'll never lose interest or get bored with trying to interact with me when we cross paths, no matter how boring I act. See, every single one of this guy's relationships is extremely surface-level. People who consider him an acquaintance at best are the same people he believes to be his closest friends. So many people around him (understandably) keep him at arms' length that it doesn't even register to him as "off" or distant, and he'll still consider them his good friends. I was a person who did not keep him at arms' length during our relationship, so my change in demeanor toward him was probably jarring to him at first but now he might not even be able to see much of a difference between my grey rocking and how his "friends" interact with him.

What I really want to do is just tell him to leave me alone, that I have no desire for contact with him, and that I want him to stop trying to approach me or wave to me ever again. However, I know that would definitely provoke his narc rage either overtly or covertly, and it'll definitely result in him trying to retaliate or hold my sentiments against me in some way.

God, I just wish he would get bored of me already and fuck off for good.

[square]

I don't have any experience with this type but from what I've seen he may fade when he gets a new supply, though he may return periodically when he is between supply.

It's possible he may remain focused on you, though, and try to bait you with displays of the new supply. I hope not.

You handled the situation like a pro. Didn't feed him positively or negatively.

[moglow]

What I really want to do is just tell him to leave me alone, that I have no desire for contact with him, and that I want him to stop trying to approach me or wave to me ever again. However, I know that would definitely provoke his narc rage either overtly or covertly, and it'll definitely result in him trying to retaliate or hold my sentiments against me in some way.

Why not say just that - next time he approaches you ask him calmly and politely to please leave you alone, that you're not interested in any contact or pretending to "be his friend." You're not friends. Whether it provokes him or not isnt yours to choose or control, you can only control your response to it. I wonder if looking him in the face and stating it outright, followed by you walking away would serve to deliver the message?

[TiredOfNarcs]

There are a couple of problems with doing that in my situation:

1. He has little to no respect for boundaries, and me straight-up asking him to leave me alone is more likely to be taken as a challenge than something to be taken seriously. Meanwhile, if I bore the hell out of him, he's more likely to not want to be around me.
2. He is a habitual triangulator and I don't want him badgering my friends, which he will most certainly do if I ask him to leave me alone.
3. I do not want to ever be alone with him, which would be a necessary circumstance for this conversation to take place - I'm not about to drag in whatever bystanders happen to be there the next time he approaches me. He is incredibly emotionally and verbally manipulative and that is not something I am willing to ever subject myself to again by being alone with him.
4. Asking him to please leave me alone would be perceived as a massive slight in his mind, and I am not mentally in any place right now to deal with the onslaught of calculated, aggressive smear campaigning among other forms of toxic abuse that has historically followed any person who "slights" him in this way.
5. Unless he keeps remaining undeterred by the grey rock method, I would much rather have him find me utterly uninteresting and not even worth hoovering than have him actively perceive me as his enemy by asking him to leave me alone.