I knew there was a reason why we had you

[LostInUK]

I am youngest of three siblings with a large gap of years to me. M is uPD. One of her many habits is that I was always introduced as the unplanned child. Like an embarrassment that had to be explained. Our 'extra surprise'.  And the 'but we love him anyway'.
Anyhow, my eldest sibling sadly died in middle age. I classify them as the Escapee (moved far away), my next eldest sibling is GC (doesn't know) and I am SG (though M spread it around). I have been LC for a while.
When it happened M said "I knew there was a reason why we had you". I am struggling to interpret this.
Is it "We didn't know what the point of having you was, until now".
Maybe it was "I ALWAYS knew there was a reason..." like a faith and thankfulness all along.
Both options stink, like I was just the spare until coming into use as one of their two intended kids, and as if I could replace my sibling anyway.
And before all that, there doesn't have to be a reason. I'm my own reason. Just having a child is the reason. But they were asking 'why did we have to have that kid?'.
One of those comments that seems nice on the surface but just feels wrong, you can't quite put your finger on it but you feel a bit sick. I'm a grown man but this knocked my progress back again on top of losing my sibling.

[foggyme]

Feels weird to me too. But I bet she doesn't see anything wrong with what she said, most likely she thinks she made a compliment.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I also agree it feels a little wrong, but cannot exactly put my finger on why. My mom used to say that to me too. I am the youngest of two, and as far as I know I was planned. However, it was sort of like I was just sitting around awaiting to be of some use to her. 
       
Oddly, when my mom said that to me growing up, I mostly feel a sense of pride mixed with relief. I felt like I proved worth to her and had reason to exist.   

[NarcKiddo]

Ewww, that's hideous. My instant interpretation of the comment "I knew there was a reason why we had you" would indeed be that the children are interchangeable, and now that your sibling has gone at least you can just slot into the space left, rather than cluttering up the place as a spare part. Obviously I only have your report of this to go on and I am sorry if my comment is offensive but to me your mother's comment really feels grim. I can sort of get why she might mention to friends you were unplanned, though it's very inappropriate to say it in front of you all the time and you have every right to find it objectionable. There is a slightly larger than usual age gap between my younger sister and myself and my mother likes to dwell on that too, though from a different perspective. I've never really thought about it until now.

I am very sorry for your loss

[Call Me Cordelia]

Only monarchs really need an heir and a spare. 

This mentality really hits home to me. We have a large family and our parents disparaged that desire before and after(!!!) the children were born. The expectation was to copy them exactly. Married for a few years, then a boy and a girl three years apart. On one memorable occasion my MIL asked what I would possibly do with more than one boy. As if she was wondering why I needed two lawnmowers. 

Children are their own justification for existing. They are not appliances. I am the efficient cause of their existence but they do not live to serve me, egads.

[sunshine702]

Yeah it's mean.  The child may be in planned but you never SAY that especially out in the world to THEM.  Awful. 
You often see triangulation and ROLES in Narc families.  You don't get to be you but Scapegoat Johnny or Golden Child Susie.  How wonder they are as a parent.  Or how Johnny is unplanned.

Don't you believe that.  That is her crazytown