Same name as my abuser

[TiredOfNarcs]

Is it bad that I don't want to date or be intimate with anyone who shares a name with my most abusive (textbook ASPD traits) ex partner? The name gives me genuine anxiety at times, and being reminded of his name during moments of intimacy after this ex had repeatedly sexually assaulted me would more than likely be highly triggering. I know to some it might seem stupid or petty and obviously not every man with that name is like him, but I just really cannot deal with having to use that name again in a romantic or sexual context.

[AlisonWonder]

TiredofNarcs I don't think it is bad.  You are a person, not a government department, you don't have to be "fair" with "everyone" when dating, nor are you given the "funds" to do so.  It sounds like that name is triggering for you, so I think it is good to leave it alone.   You matter.

If you ignore your trigger and go ahead with seeing someone out of "fairness", I think you would be starting out by putting your own feelings last in that particular relationship, and it would just go on like that.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you  <hugs>

[Call Me Cordelia]

I think it would be on the level of a physical resemblance to your abuser. He can't help it but neither can you. You don't owe anyone a chance.

[Boat Babe]

Totally understandable. However, if you meet a ggod person, with the same name, you could always use a different name, perhaps their middle name. Just a thought.  Mind you, I could never go out with a Jeremy again !  I do get you.