When you’ve literally seen it all…indecent exposure

[Stillirise]

I am so blown away by this one, I don't even know where to put it!  As most of you know, my updxh has demonstrated a range of unstable behaviors over the years.  However, this is a whole new level.  Last night, a good friend and former neighbor, who still lives near my updxh, told me of her recent encounter with him.  She is also recently divorced, and has been trying to steer clear of my updxh, due to explicit comments by him in the past, and feeling uncomfortable in his presence. 

She and the xh live in a rural area, on a lightly traveled road. Recently, she was taking a phone call in her car, near her home. She stopped briefly in the road in front of xh's house, because cell service usually drops just past it.  He came outside and began making inappropriate comments, gestures. She tried ignoring him, and then diffusing him with dismissive comments, while telling the person on the phone what was happening. He then walked behind her car, and exposed himself to her, in her rear view mirror. She immediately locked her doors and drove off.

The kids were on their 1st summer week with him, but were thankfully visiting other friends at the time. My friend considered calling the police, but in the end, she didn't want to make waves with the kids. She also knows how manipulative and vindictive xh can be.  Being his neighbor, she feared some sort of retribution, if she made a police report.

She also mentioned that every single time she does find herself stuck talking to him, he mentions how he knows she tells me everything, etc.  The kids have also told me he still regularly pumps them for information about my life, and if I still "like" him.  I think this might be some sort of sick ploy to get my attention, or to get supply from knowing she and I are talking about him, and waiting to see if I confront him over it.  My friend's dad, a very formidable man, actually stopped by xh's house yesterday, with plans to confront him. DS answered the door, and informed him that his F wasn't home from work yet. I'm not sure if the man plans to return.  I plan to stay out of it, for now, as there doesn't seem to be anything for me to gain by bringing it up.

Even if this weren't my xh, and the F of my kids, I would be upset that my friend was subjected to something like this! We've been friends a long time, and definitely have much more to talk about than the bizarre behaviors of our xh's.  It is just so sad that my kids have to be associated with this kind of behavior, even if they aren't currently aware of it. Also, just, Wow. 

[Prototypian]

Hmmm.   This is first of all inappropriate bordering on dangerous behavior.   PD's can be mean, unemotional, manipulative, inflexible, and shocking.   

But my belief is that anything illegal that is deliberate (everyone has a comical embarrassing event in their life that was an accident) should be reported for a PD.   

My reasoning is that I feel that those kind of behaviors are bad for society, the victim, the bystanders and the PD themselves.   They need help or corrective action. 

A 5 year old who runs out of the bathroom naked gets scolded by his parents to not do that even if it's funny from a dumb kid behavior perspective.   And adult choosing such a behavior ALREADY KNOWS IT IS WRONG and it's not at all funny.   It's threatening and embarrassing to everyone.   

There is also the line between creepy behavior and stalking or aggressive behavior.  Since this is your friend and your PD ex is the one doing the activity even though you are not married I would counsel (I'm not a police officer or therapist so my advice is worth the bits of data used to post this) your friend to call the police.   His behavior could escalate and the message needs to be sent that it is actually not legal to behave that way, period.


Just my thoughts.

[square]

I don't recall if your ex is ASPD but this is alarming behavior nonetheless.

[Stillirise]

Thank you both for recognizing his alarming behavior as such.  I've often thought he is a special Cluster B blend of BPD, NPD and a touch of ASPD stirred in. It made it difficult for me to understand for a long time, because he didn't fit neatly into any one of them.

I told my friend that if she wanted to report the incident or not, I would be supportive of her decision either way.  I think she has decided not to report for now.  She knows in their small rural community, nothing is likely to come of it, and I also think she is somewhat fearful of some type of retribution from him. We He has always had difficulty recognizing boundaries, and the lines of basic social norms.  He then blames the victim or the messenger, if anyone challenges his behaviors.

I think I will sit on what I know for now.  I have asked the kids if their dad has been acting more erratic than usual around them. Other than he has started drinking again, they haven't  noticed anything specific that they will open up about.  He had a health scare a few months ago, which  got his attention for quite awhile.  However, in the last few weeks, I've watched his behavior cycle back toward chaos again.  He has begun a buying and selling spree of major items, resumed drinking, let his newly remodeled house and yard fall into disarray, is pumping the kids for info about me, and now this.  It was common for these patterns to cycle like this throughout our marriage, also.  I just realized today is the one year anniversary of our divorce being final. That may have something to do with the timing of this cycle.