I fed him

[falsebalance2]

The mind games have ramped up beyond a level I could tolerate.

After months of not seeing his kids more than 5 min every couple of days...

uPDH is going off to sports events, finally wearing his wedding ring (even though he told me last night I mean nothing to him), losing the weight he has blamed me for gaining. (Wearing it now because it fits his narrative)

He is living his double life now completely in my face. Uses the kids to hurt me by coming in and being fake super dad for 5 to 10 minutes and then leaving and not telling us when or where to expect him back.

Or the few instances he ran out of places to go they follow him around the house.

Tonight I decided I wanted to say something.

He was utterly delighted over my pain. Laughing and smiling. He loved it. He kept getting text messages and hiding them from me. He loved when I asked who it was. When I confronted him about hiding his phone or recording me he laughed and fell onto his bed and relished like a toddler.

He did darvo, word salad, projection, dupers delight...

Told me I mean nothing to him and never did and too bad he didn't figure that out before kids.

Told me I'm not a slave I'm free to leave.

Also reminded me that he told me he would need this time to find himself and get healthy and that includes making friends and going to the gym and sporting events and this other life. He said it could take him the 6 months he did tell me - and lied and said he also told me it could take two years.

So not seeing the children and abusing me is him 'finally' healthy.

He claims total victimhood and by everything he told me I can hear the lies he is feeding these new friends. They are pumping him up and feeding his ego.

He told me he isn't in love with me but loves me like he 'loves' everybody that was ever in his life (that he hates btw) He doesn't hate because he is such a loving person and I am such a bitter nag.

If I wrote here everything I do - it would identify me too much I think but people constantly call me superwoman and wonder how I can keep going doing all that I do to keep our family running.

Everyone else was right. He hates me and wants out but needs me to be the bad guy.


I'm glad I talked to him because even though it gave him what he wanted - It has shown me enough. He is actively building a campaign against me and lies on a dime so the story fits his narrative.

I feel I should record all interaction going forward.

Since he told me I'm not a slave and free to go people in my support network are aging and in poor health and I haven't visited them due to updh's disdain for people loving me.

I'm going to go on my trips soon.

I may consider just moving out soon. He said he gives me his blessing.

He didn't tell me until a few days in that he was on vacation until next week. Historically - when he can't go to work he tends to abuse me.

He kept laughing at me while his eyes turned to coal.

Told me I'm not a slave and I can leave anytime I want.

shooed me out of the room and said 'lock the door on your way out,' laughed and went into his closet.

I know I gave him exactly what I wanted - but I needed it. I needed him to say those things to me and watch him twist and turn everything. While I knew to expect it - It still feels like getting punched repeatedly while the person who pretended to love me laughs. I think he had children for the attention and to destroy me. He knew I talked incessantly about the type of family I wanted. None of this is a surprise to him! He is taking what these new friends are saying and stealing their story. That their wives just suddenly changed.

He told me "The truth will win, Falsebalance,"

Which must be something his new 'friends' have told him. It was oddly comforting coming out of a habitual liar's mouth.

I heard his sob story. He pulled things I've always told him and spun it.

He was (sarcasm alert from me) only looking for a partner but I changed. He wanted a partner and that's not what I am. He brought up 10 years ago and said I changed then and he lied to go along but should have told me. That all I wanted was to be a Christian and not have any fun....(but also said he used to have lots of fun with me and I used to be fun?) Then all I care about is the kids and everyone he has talked to told him you can't lose that over the kids and we 'lost that' and can't get it back. He isn't in love with me.  And I'm crazy and all I care about is God and my kids and I'm no fun and I'm bitter and angry and a nag. And he is going to keep getting healthy like this and no - nothing is hurting the kids they aren't hurting. If they're hurting it is because I'm lying to them. seeing them 5 minutes every few days is fine because he 'talks' to them. I laughed at this and said when do you talk to them and what do you say? He said that's between me and them. I said I'm literally always with them - and they're small. Not like he's calling them and having chats.

When I mentioned his divorce threats he laughed and said you keep bringing that up. So do something. You're not a slave.

Leave! Go do something about it. You're not going to guilt me this time. I'm healthy now.





I feel so trapped.

[bat123]

Hi, Falsebalance.  Well, by the sound of it you are definitely married to a narcissist.  I can relate!  I think the trap that we fall into is trying to convince them of that.  Trying to explain our truth to them.  Trying to argue with their distorted views.   That is not where your freedom lies.  You are not a slave, that much of what he says is true.  You can detach yourself— mentally at first, then ideally physically— from this dynamic.  (I've mentally detached, almost fully, at this point.  I hope to be physically out soon, too).  I always think of it like The Wizard of Oz.  You have had the ruby slippers on the whole time, you just have to realize you can tap them and go home, back to YOU.  How do you get there?  By looking inward.  Figuring out what attracted you to this relationship in the first place.  Figuring out what you're so afraid of, and what YOU are getting out of all of this.  It's hard work, but it will free you.

[notrightinthehead]

You definitely should record any interaction with him and store them safely with a password.  One day in the far future you will wonder if it really was that bad and your files will help you remember.

I agree with bat123,  growth and healing comes with taking the focus off him and looking at yourself.  What is your next move? What will you do to get some clarity of mind? How can you better protect yourself and your children?