Projecting

[NarcKiddo]

I typed a post earlier and then got interrupted. I don't know where it went and I think it just got lost. But if a similar post to this pops up somewhere else on the forum - apologies for repeating myself.

I have a uNPD mother and have been using Grey Rock for many years.

Recently I came across the "Observe, don't absorb" technique - someone here referred to it and I looked it up. I've found it astonishingly helpful in keeping my reactions/emotions in check when dealing with my mother and sometimes even find her behaviour amusing when I spot the narc tendencies.

Anyway, she phoned me today to report on a recent visit from a friend - we'll call him A - and I amused myself during the conversation by observing the narc projecting. A few snippets:

A lives with a relative, B. Mother sees A every two to three months or so and sees B maybe once every 2 years. Ever since mother has known A, A has complained about B's awful hairstyle. When mother first met B she claimed to like his hairstyle. Perhaps she did genuinely like it but she has made a point of going on to A about B's hair, most likely to annoy A. So, on this visit A brought B to join them for part of it. A was very pleased about the fact that A had finally persuaded B to cut his hair short. Mother said "A is so dreadful. He knew I liked B's hair. Why would he persuade B to cut it? A was only doing it to annoy me."

A and B go on a monthly outing together to pursue a mutual interest. Mother thinks the interest is weird. She said "I am going to find out from B if B is truly interested in these outings or if A makes him go. Because B has to do the driving when they go and I think A is making B drive him so A gets a lift and B has to pay for the fuel. A is very selfish. If I find out that A is making B pay for the fuel and it was A's interest all along then I am going to tell A off."

The rest of the conversation was mainly mother going on about how awful A is and how she is going to scold him for this, that and the other. She complained that A thinks everything revolves around him and everything has to be done his way and he is so self-centred yada yada yada. This is the woman who only last week told me she was thinking about joining a local club to find some new friends but they would have to accept that she will not be able to adhere to their meeting times because they don't suit her and she won't be able to do this, that and the other they do and blah, blah, blah. Well, that's going to earn her instant popularity. 

I suspect the friendship with A will soon have run its course. A is not doing everything she says and is repeatedly rebelling against her in small ways. She won't put up with that for much longer.

[Cat of the Canals]

I got the PD chills reading this. Your mother sounds so much like my MIL. Always absolutely convinced that everything is a secret message to annoy/insult her. Always fantasizing about how she's going to meddle in someone else's affairs and tell them off. She is utterly obsessed with everyone else's life and yet rarely seems to take stock of her own. Funny how that works.