Hi all!

[mostly_sunny]

Gosh, I don't know where to begin.
I'm almost 40. I grew up in an abusive household, I know now (recent discovery) that my mother has NPD. My sister also has NPD. I have sought out people with cluster B personalities my whole life. I always thought it was me! I was difficult, I was selfish, I was reactive, I had trouble controlling my emotions, I was immature...

Over the last few months I've started a journey of learning that I am actually none of those things. The only people who have ever accused me of any of it are people with PDs. All of the non-PDs in my life (there are many) have never said anything like this and disagree with these things wholeheartedly.... Yet somehow I still believe these things to my core. Right now I'm trying to see that none of it is me, in spite of being told that it's 'only me' for so many years.

Still learning, lots of hurdles, my self esteem is in tatters. Any advice would be wonderful!

I'm scared.... I feel like I've had encounters of varying degrees with maybe 7 or 8 people with PDs (NPD/BPD/APD). It's a lifetime of learning that a reactive, a problem, not good enough and need to try harder... fighting this upstream is horrible right now. But I'm so glad that I've found a place to talk to people with similar experiences.

Thank you for reading! 

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You a not alone. You found a good place full of information and support. When we come Out of the FOG, the journey of healing and hard work begins. For me, the most important part is the realization of my part - how I have been trained to enable and put up with bad treatment- and how I can change myself to set boundaries and protect myself.
See you around on the boards!

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. I now call her my abuser and I am her target of abuse. I haven't been in contact with her for over two years and I never want to see her ever again.

For many years I didn't even know that her behaviour was abuse. I just thought that she had many serious mental health issues that I shouldn't ever criticise in case she ever harmed herself.

Abusers are all about power and control.

What your family is doing is projecting all their own issues onto you. What they are saying about you is what they are in fact like themselves. I know about that!

There is a lightbulb moment when we finally discover what has been going on and can put names to it. It can feel at times that we are living in a bizarre and surreal situation that very few others really understand unless they have been in that situation themselves. We need to keep educating ourselves about PDs and how we can cope better.

You may like to follow the author and counsellor Kris Godinez who specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez." I make sure to watch her videos regularly to keep me on track and to validate what I've experienced for decades.

Observe, don't absorb.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[Starboard Song]

Check out our Toolbox for more great background.

You are not alone!

[mostly_sunny]

Welcome! You a not alone. You found a good place full of information and support. When we come Out of the FOG, the journey of healing and hard work begins. For me, the most important part is the realization of my part - how I have been trained to enable and put up with bad treatment- and how I can change myself to set boundaries and protect myself.
See you around on the boards!

Aww what a lovely message to get me started! Thank you for the welcome
You're so right... realising how I've been trained to accept abuse has been a huge thing! Still working on the boundaries part... but getting there more everyday

[mostly_sunny]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. I now call her my abuser and I am her target of abuse. I haven't been in contact with her for over two years and I never want to see her ever again.

For many years I didn't even know that her behaviour was abuse. I just thought that she had many serious mental health issues that I shouldn't ever criticise in case she ever harmed herself.

Abusers are all about power and control.

What your family is doing is projecting all their own issues onto you. What they are saying about you is what they are in fact like themselves. I know about that!

There is a lightbulb moment when we finally discover what has been going on and can put names to it. It can feel at times that we are living in a bizarre and surreal situation that very few others really understand unless they have been in that situation themselves. We need to keep educating ourselves about PDs and how we can cope better.

You may like to follow the author and counsellor Kris Godinez who specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez." I make sure to watch her videos regularly to keep me on track and to validate what I've experienced for decades.

Observe, don't absorb.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

"You are not alone". I can't even explain how comforting it is to read this right now. Geez I'm glad I found this forum!
I'll check out 'We need to talk' now... this journey has felt anything but linear so far. Having ongoing reminders that I'm on the right track and that "it's not me" are huge right now.

Thanks again