New and In a bad way

[Ccube1234]

Hi Everybody,
I'm new here and I'm in a bad way.  I should have joined years ago but just found this.
My on and off again bpd girlfriend and I just got back together after she visited me from SC.  Best 2 weeks we ever had.  We hung pictures of her family on my walls for her because she's moving back and moving in.
Two weeks later she said she's not moving in because I'm putting to much pressure on the situation.  Is asking to set up a solid date too much pressure?
We have been on and off for 7 years.
She moved away 1 1/2 years ago with her mother to get off Benzo's after 20 years. She is 44. 
Typical-super hot, great sex, greatest times of our lives when we're together but it seems for her it's out of sight out of mind.
She did not say she's not moving here but the date went from July 4 to July 8 to now July 23. 
The topper is that she still see a guy that she rebounded with for a few months.  She says that is because she loves his dogs. 
I have all of her possessions in my house here in NJ. They have been here since she originally left 1 1/2 years ago.
I'm all over the place.  Anyone have any words to talk me off the ledge? 
I can explain things in more detail if anyone can help and has any questions?
Thank you all!  I think I'm having a panic attack! 

[Spring Butterfly]

Welcome and it's good you found this place. There's a boatload of healing resources at the top of the forum. The Toolbox is especially helpful.

Surrender all expectation she will be anything other than who she is at this moment. Surrender all expectation things will change. I don't mean that in a hopeless sort of way. The reality of things is that humans are who they are and we are not in charge of changing or fixing others. It just can't be done. Each person is responsible for their own choices and healing, their decisions and actions. It's just not humanly possible to change another person.

IF the persons chooses on their own to change it will be their journey to travel in their own way and in their own time.

Here's some info that might help
https://www.outofthefog.website/treatment/

[moglow]

Surrender all expectation she will be anything other than who she is at this moment. Surrender all expectation things will change. I don't mean that in a hopeless sort of way. The reality of things is that humans are who they are and we are not in charge of changing or fixing others. It just can't be done. Each person is responsible for their own choices and healing, their decisions and actions. It's just not humanly possible to change another person.

And the next moment, she may be someone else before things change yet again when you least expect it. It's the [sad] nature of the beast, as I'm sure you know after all these years.

If it were me [and if you've not already], honestly I'd pack her things nicely and put them away until "later" as in when she actually moves in. She can be offended or not, but I wouldn't want to look at it all with the dream of "some day" that somehow never seems to materialize. When she moves in she can unpack at her leisure - it'd be like Christmas.

Don't panic. You know she's gonna do what she's gonna do, you get to adapt and make your own decisions about how you handle all of it. You always have options. Great as it is when it's great, there is and will be a whole other side until she decides to do some much needed work and change things. You can't do that for he, or change yourself and the world around you enough to fix it to her satisfaction. That's not your job.

I suspect this ain't your first rodeo with her, and may not be the last. Have there been regular visits and contact in this time apart? Is she still on benzos or anything else so she can cope? What does that quiet voice inside you say about all of it - or can you hear it with all the outer chaos?