Got my washer and dryer today

[Prototypian]

Man they were bigger and heavier than I expected and barely fit in the space for them but they're there and in place. 

Also hooked up the fridge and icemaker.   Steps closer every day!!

[Poison Ivy]

Great update!

[JustKeepTrying]

This makes me so happy!  So happy for you!

[losingmyself]

 

[Lauren17]

Congrats!

Washer and dryer were one of my first major solo purchases, too! And hookup done without stbxh.  Sometimes, I still stop and admire them.

[Prototypian]

Thanks all.  I'm actually pretty handy with diagnosing, keeping things running and updating and fixing things.  UOCPDw just doesn't trust most things to be done.   My dad is a retired electrical engineer and I grew up with everything in the home being repaired and diagnosed so it just works that way.   

We actually bought the second home for uOCPDw's mother.   At the time she (MIL) was elderly but still getting around.  Her health failed and she wound up passing away.   The home that we own is in the old central business district of our mid sized town in the US south.   It's roughly 5 miles from our home where we live with the kids.   I'm blessed frim a career perspective that we own both of them without mortgage. 

Roughly 6 years ago I fell apart.   I was carrying a ton of stuff and I sank into really dangerous depression mostly due to uOCPDw's behavior, political stuff and the state of life in general.   My sister's and father stepped in with an intervention and moved me out for time to get better.   They didn't let me live at home for a while.  I got help and actually learned for the first time about PD behaviors and Out of the FOG. 

Dad decided it was time to renovate the cottage which is a 600 square foot mid century home.   We had to gut it completely down to studs as it had no central AC or heating , no insulation, sub standard fuse wiring.   We found an original 1941 hardwood floor under the laminate tiles, redid the bathroom with brand new shower and tiles, refurbished the 1940s metal cabinets and had a tankless water heater put in and build decks and porches.   My spouse knows about it but not the extent and how much it costs.   It makes her very angry because the decisions have not been made by her.   

But recently I figure out how to move money from parts of my job and company into an account that she doesn't monitor the way she monitors the others.   It's let me pay contractors and buy supplies.  And with the US memorial day pre sales I was able to purchase the washer and dryer and fridge all at once, load them in the truck without her knowledge and get them in place and running.

I'm kinda a weirdo in that I prefer really high end stuff that lasts forever.   We still have our Kenmore washing machine and dryer  from 25 plus years ago when we got married and I dutifully keep it running.  Getting new stuff isn't really a thing for me in terms of her control.

But my joy is in finishing a project.   I often wish that my spouse was focused on that kind of thing as part of our marriage with me.  Meaning that there is some shared stuff we are proud of and some stuff she cares about and some stuff I care about and we work together on the overall goals.   But her life and concerns are to run in politics and live in fear of "making the wrong decision".   

She can't make a decision out of paralyzing fear.   If she can't be 100 percent certain that it isn't the most correct thing she can't do it or allow it to be done.   I've lived in three houses with her for 25 plus years and we have never hung a single picture or piece of art unless I just hang it myself. 

I actually look on a lot of this stuff with sadness with the fact that it just shouldn't be this hard.  We just never got to enjoy the fun of the stuff that should be the joy for a couple.

[JustKeepTrying]

jsinjin,

Your post struck home for me today.

Visiting my oldest and I saw how she and her husband decorated their apartment and how proud they were with all they did together.  Their place is a reflection of their mutual interest and experience.

I struggled with decorating because ex was afraid to put a hole in the wall.  When I moved out from our married home, I realized that I never hung a single thing in our bedroom.

I find this sad because there is a sense of accomplishment and joy when you walk by that w/d that you installed yourself.  Pride in the painting hung carefully over the mantel.  A sense of joy, settling and comfort.

I hope that you can lean into this for yourself now.  Find your own sense of peace and comfort.

[Poison Ivy]

My ex doesn't like to spend money on certain things and thinks or feels that if something is broken, the only appropriate way for it to be fixed is for him to fix it. But he has a really hard time motivating himself to do things other than surf the internet, so many things are never done. I am relatively frugal, but if something important (e.g., refrigerator, car, washer, dryer) breaks and needs to be replaced or fixed, I replace it or get it fixed. Like you, jsinjin, I feel sad about missing out on homeownership-related activities that a married couple could do together.

[Fae Greenwood]

Jsinjin, I am really happy to hear about this. The cottage sounds like a little slice of heaven. And it is truly yours, as you did a significant rebuild and are preparing it for your needs. Congratulations.

[SonofThunder]

Jsinjin, I am really happy to hear about this. The cottage sounds like a little slice of heaven. And it is truly yours, as you did a significant rebuild and are preparing it for your needs. Congratulations.

Congrats Jsinjin! 

SoT

[1footouttadefog]

I also love in a world where there ate no shared goals or projects. 

Once upon a time there were but it has been decades. 

I am jealous of your metal cabinets.  I found some old school info mercials about them in youtube once.  There were some really cool and functional features available.

It would be nice to have a shared life instead of a stolen one.