Would have been my 35 wedding anniversary

[JustKeepTrying]

Late this afternoon I realized that today was my wedding anniversary.  It would have been 35 years.  I have been divorced 2.5 years and separated for 3.  I haven't spoken to my xOCPDh since last Nov when he finally moved out of the family and we sold the house.  It was then that I finally started to heal.

I'm actually doing OK.  I was more triggered when my son asked if Dad could come to the big pro soccer game.  Kind of a dad and son thing - where I had already paid for his ticket.  I said ok - I was assured I wouldn't have to see him but boy did I struggle after that a interchange. 

I'm not even sad.  It's more like - look at that.  Huh.

He's dating.  Although my DDs don't think so - I see the dates and names come up in the joint family calendar.  And the "oops" forwarding of an email of a woman who mailed him her underwear.  That was fun. 

Of course, I have had two dates and I did sign up for a dating app.  I did so to see if I was able and willing to go there - I'm not.  And that is OK.

I was a beautiful bride.  Still have my dress and ring.

I was with him for the majority of my life.  In some ways, I'm surprised I survived.

[justducky]

 

You got out and you're healing. Bravo!

[escapingman]

WOW JKT, you are doing great! I can imagine how you struggled seeing him at the soccer game.

I am only 5 weeks out of my uNPDx, I am feeling better than ever although I am fighting the divorce. I am not as black and white as her, when I look at pictures of her I can remember how much I loved her and some of the good memories. But I also remember all the awful moments and how bad things became. Now I am trying to minimize all contact as I don't trust her one bit what she would do if I see her.

Speaking about dating, right now I can't see me ever wanna be with a woman again. Even when I see really fit girls/women I feel no attraction and no desire. Has she ruined this forever for me, or might I be interested again in the future?

Keep going JKT, you are an inspiration!

[hhaw]

I think it's unfair to expect years of living in traumatized biochemistry to turn itself around quickly, esp if one is still living in trauma, guys.

Drop judgment.
Get curious.
Be super compassionate with yourselves and drop expectations.....
embrace radical acceptance....
research healthy boundaries.

Thank you for sharing your story, JKT.  You're a strong person and you're moving out of survival and into more joyful days.  I know you are.

Healthy boundaries will keep you safe.

Once you trust yourself..... it's easier to open up to new relationships,but you have to trust you can avoid making the same mistakes.

[1footouttadefog]

When the time is right you will feel interest again.  If that never happens that is okay also. 

We are all different.  But dont be surprised if it happens if you feel younger and sillier than you thought possible.  I can remember older people I ha e known over the years finding love again after a long time and they had such silly grins, it was so cute to see.