Both adult Children with NPD.

[Graphiclady]

I married a Narcissist. We had two Children A Boy and a Girl.
I divorced the Narcissist.
My son is 28 and he turned out to have NPD. (Narcissistic Personnality Disorder).
He has been doing the "silent treatment" to me, and sometimes "hoovering".
No he is doing the "silent treatment" to me, for good.

My daughter is 26, and has also NPD.
She is now also doing to me the " silent treatment".

I have read all I could on NPD, and how narcissist use this "weapon" of the "silent treatment" to discard and devaluate their victim.

I have come to this conclusion, that because both my Children have NPD, they have no empathy, and thus, unable to care for me.

This hurts, but my Therapist advised to go on with my own life, build up more my self-esteem, and self confidence, and even if this is so unusual situation, to think that I gave birth and now they are gone for good, with not one single news, or having showed love or respect to me before they started this "silent treatment", I have to go on.

[D.]

Hello Graphiclady,

First I want to say congratulations on getting our of a marriage with a Narcissist, educating yourself about your adult children, and working to restore your self-confidence.  I just want to say that I read this a couple of days ago and have been thinking about your challenge.  I feel like I am on the edge of a similar situation in that I divorced a Narsissist and have adult kids myself at similar ages.  It's great that you are educating yourself and figuring out how to be yourself in your new reality.  I hear a lot of strength and hope in who you are and I am happy to see you here at Out of the FOG.

[ploughthrough2021]

I am in the process of separating from my uNPDw after 30 years together (last 25 years married).  I waited this long to do it for the sake of our three kids.  Now, I am suspecting that my youngest (daughter) who is 15 has some form of PD (very demanding, goes silent, no empathy).  Just as I am resolving one issue, another one is surfacing....  I will need to now be on this forum on top of the separating one...

[ddk]

I can totally relate to your pain.  Both my adult sons are NPD, as is their father.  Unfortunately, this is not an accident given my personality-disordered, alcoholic parents, I'm hopelessly codependent and an empath as well (a curse!).  I'm trying to heal from the end of a sixteen-year friendship with a covert narcissist and feeling like such a sucker, but this was obviously what it took for me to see clearly how I endanger myself by engaging with victims who are skilled at provoking empathy in me.  I am finally detaching from both sons and it hurts daily.

But, every day is a chance to live fully, finally free, of the narc-o-rama that has defined my significant relationships; I'm moving on and learning how to set better boundaries and give to my real friends and family, people who are sincere and are as invested in me as I am in them.  Be well and best of luck in your new journey..

[Daniella]

I went no contact with two of my children last fall.  I encountered one of them on father's day at my ex's house - he is only their step father, but enables their bad behavior towards me.  They went all out for father's day, and I was completely ignored on Mother's Day and Christmas (even though I sent the presents I had already bought).  Yeah, it hurts.  I am a very giving person and I don't know how I manage to raise self-centered children.  It really really hurts, I have always been there when they needed me and several times had to fight my ex to help out my kids.  He's the saint, I'm the (pick any derogatory word).

As much as I miss my children, I am the healthiest I have been in my life, physically and mentally.  I have to go on too.  Know that you are not alone.

[TodayZZ]

Yes, I'm in the same situation. My child is gone. It's like a death. Not only the loss of a child but also the death of who I always thought they were. They were not who I thought, ever.
Very heartbreaking. I'm not sure how we recover.

[blacksheep7]

Hello Grapiclady,

I'm sorry for you and all the other posters as well.

I also married a narcissist, have a boy and girl. Divorced 10 yrs later.  My dd (40) is a narc and son has flees.  They are very close.   
I have a slightly better relationship with ds even though I do not hear or see him as often as I would like. 

As for dd, I only maintain a vlllllc, only for the gchildren.  I avoid calling her or going on Fbook because it just causes more hurt and pain, especially that she has a superficial/frivolous relationship with her NF and has pictures with him,  It's always about having fun, people pleasing and  ha ha ha.

None, Never with me.  She has zero interest. She blames me for the divorce and the fact that my son went to live with his father, his wish.
It took me years to finally accept this and stop calling her, thinking that our relationship would change. I tried many times to have a conversation, to no avail.
I know that she doesn't accept or try to understand my nc with covertM and sibs.

Acceptance and moving on with our life is the only way, not putting the blame upon ourselves.  We did the best we could with what we had as knowledge and what we were given in our childhood.   I was numb in my teens and early twenties when I had my kids. 

You seem to have done the acceptance and are ready to move on.  Good for you! 

[Zia]

I married a Narcissist. We had two Children A Boy and a Girl.
I divorced the Narcissist.
My son is 28 and he turned out to have NPD. (Narcissistic Personnality Disorder).
He has been doing the "silent treatment" to me, and sometimes "hoovering".
No he is doing the "silent treatment" to me, for good.

Did he do silent treatment and hoovering? Or just silent treatment. Your statement sounds like you are unsure.

My daughter is 26, and has also NPD.
She is now also doing to me the " silent treatment".

I have read all I could on NPD, and how narcissist use this "weapon" of the "silent treatment" to discard and devaluate their victim.

I have come to this conclusion, that because both my Children have NPD, they have no empathy, and thus, unable to care for me.

What type of care were you expecting from your adult children? Are they both single, married, have kids?

This hurts, but my Therapist advised to go on with my own life, build up more my self-esteem, and self confidence, and even if this is so unusual situation, to think that I gave birth and now they are gone for good, with not one single news, or having showed love or respect to me before they started this "silent treatment", I have to go on.

Usually people don't go silent for no reason. There must be something that happened beforehand that made them decide to do what they do. Have you asked them (proper way, non-confrontational)? Mentioning to them about what you've done for them, like "giving birth to them" would mean you want them to feel guilt and in doing so would only make them move further away from you.

[Starboard Song]

This hurts, but my Therapist advised to go on with my own life, build up more my self-esteem, and self confidence, and even if this is so unusual situation, to think that I gave birth and now they are gone for good, with not one single news, or having showed love or respect to me before they started this "silent treatment", I have to go on.

Sadly, the therapist is probably right.

It is a No Regrets effort to focus on your self-esteen and self-confidence, and to heal a little. Those are all good things that help us all. And your therapist seems to believe it will help you. And yes, in the meantime, you have to just let go. Accept this terrible loss, invest in yourself, and build this new independent life.

Maybe this situation will change one day for you. If it doesn't, you deserve to be the happiest, healthiest you possible.

Be good. Be strong.