Tips for caretaker of sibling with MPD?

[Omer123]

I live in a country where mental health is a taboo topic so rather than help this adult sibling get treatment she is being passed around from household to household where each member of the family tries to take care of this person but sadly most I believe are enabling the abusive behaviour. My wife and I are trying our best to care for her but the mental abuse is getting too much to the point where I have blown up on the sibling for trying to manipulate my wife. Currently even though we are not on speaking terms the sibling still lives with us. Any tips at how I can regain communication and maybe on some level be able to help this person? Sadly I know that I will never be able to het this sibling the real help needed.

On a more personal note the abuse has taken a mental toll on us both especially my wife who clearly didn't sign up for this. For myself its been just exhausting to "get back at me" this sibling has been spreading rumours about wife and I being abusive, infidelity between us and its just making us feel just lonely. I know this is unscientific but it appears as though this sibling suffers from evilness.

[Omer123]

This is Omer Bindy I don't know why the blog keeps asking me to sign in again. An addendum if anyone is curious is that this sibling recently said that they are willing to talk to me again as long as I apologize to this person for yelling at them for falsely accusing my wife of infidelity to many family. I know this is an absurd trade off but is it worth it so I can regain communication?

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG.

It sounds like things have been very hard all around as you and your wife grapple with an adult sibling who needs medical and psychiatric intervention that you are unable to assist them in getting. Your compassion and willingness to help is truly admirable and at the same time you have your wife and the relationship and new family you have begun with her as your first priority. And rightly so.

One thing we encourage each other to think through here on Out of the FOG is if we allow a mentally ill or disordered loved one destroy our health, relationships, peace of mind we will not be in a position to help anyone. So, the concept of putting your oxygen mask on first and then taking some time to figure out what level of support you and your wife can actually sustain offering to your sibling, may be an important and big first step for you.

From there you can begin to set limits and strong boundaries around what does and does not work in relationship with your sibling.

This is a lot to think through and thankfully we have a community that understands the angst and complexity of it all having faced similar circumstances. We can and will support you as you figure out how to go forward and the resources at the toolbox and drop down menus above are a great place to begin finding insights and clarity.

In terms of apologizing as the requirement your sibling, who is living in your home and disrupting your peace, has set to speak to you... it might be really helpful to read this article dealing with a common behavior called:  Silent Treatment that offers some do/don't suggestions.

Article is found here: https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/the-silent-treatment

Keep coming back and sharing. We have a board specifically for those dealing with difficult sibling and extended family relationships found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=36.0

This is Omer Bindy I don't know why the blog keeps asking me to sign in again.

This is part of the system safe guards protecting the forum from bots and spam and once you have posted a bit more will no longer be required.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I am sorry to learn about the problems that you are having trying to cope on your own and without any professional mental health support. It must be very stressful for you and your family.

There are many resources on the internet about mental health and caring for someone. I find YouTube very helpful. I follow mental health professionals, mental health organisations and charities. There are also some excellent books and online courses.

It takes time to educate ourselves. You have the willingness to learn and to do things differently.

There are many resources on this website including the "Toolbox" and "Other Media Resources" section of the forum. Members post there frequently about resources that they have found useful and would like others to learn from.

We need to first look after our own mental health and physical health. We need to make sure that we eat well, exercise and sleep well. Also we need to have fun times and laughter, which are often neglected but so essential for our own wellbeing. We need to build our self esteem and be kinder to ourselves. It can be so stressful coping with someone in your life living with a PD.

I follow the Mindfulness teacher Tara Brach online who gives frequent free talks. Mindfulness guided meditations are essential to maintaining my equilibrium and my ability to keep calm.

www.tarabrach.com

My golden rule is to always stay calm no matter what happens and not get on the other person's emotional rollercoaster with them.

We learn that we can't change anyone else's behaviour, we can only change and control our own.

Hopefully there are some organisations that do help people caring for others with mental health issues in your country. Of course you would know more about that. It may take time to research them. I know how difficult it can be to find the right support.

If you don't have a diagnosis for the person you are caring for it can be difficult to understand what issues you are coping with.

If you need to talk to a mental health professional and can afford it you could contact Better Help. They work online anywhere in the world. They have qualified therapists that maybe able to help you.

https://www.betterhelp.com/

(I have no connection with them)

I understand how desperate you are. I have been in the same situation and so have my whole family.

Here in the forum we all help and support each other through some very difficult and challenging times.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.