Gaslighting from XILs

[Seeking_Peace]

Second-time poster: this thread has been incredibly supportive. I suspect my xMIL is a narc, and strongly suspect my xFIL has BPD. Due to legal reasons, NC is not an option right now.

I officially notified them that we are moving, and boy, they have ramped things up. They get a weekly call with kiddo, but never really say anything of substance. They never bother to read or ask insightful questions, just use it to bash myself, DH, and to ask about the weekly itinerary.

Recently, xMIL sent me an abrasive text saying that kiddo has been "distracted" and seems as though they don't want to talk. This turned into her blaming me for my young child being an active young child. I have not responded to the text, as I'm not sure it's worth my time or the possible fight.

The real "distraction?" LO was excited to have them help pick out back to school supplies. Kiddo was showing them options and talking about the teacher and classroom. In between, the duo would make rude comments similar to: "Grandchild, you're taking so long picking out supplies." "Is your mother picking you up from school? She is? GOOD." Weird things like that.

I document these interactions on a Word doc, but does anyone have any other suggestions on tracking all of this? Do I ignore the message, or?T

On a much happier note, I've retained counsel and will be pressing forward with the visitation removal and/or move away request. My lawyer may have found a way out of this visitation schedule, so positive thoughts would be much appreciated on that front!

[Cat of the Canals]

If ignoring the text is unlikely to start an argument (my PDmil periodically goes full waif if my husband doesn't respond to texts... "WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT YOU AREN'T SPEAKING TO ME?!!!"  ), then I'd go that route.

If ignoring the text might ignite drama, I'd go with a Medium Chill response as devoid of content as possible. Maybe something like, "Oh? I haven't noticed any distracted behavior on my end." Playing dumb can go a long way with PDs. 

And I'm wishing you all the luck on the move and the legal stuff!

[bloomie]

Seeking_Peace - I read your backstory and this is quite a painful situation you are faced with. My heart goes out to you.

In response to the message about your LO being distracted you could simply make clear what was actually happening: "LO was excited to have them help pick out back to school supplies." Or as Cat suggested above. Brief, Informational, Friendly, and Firm.

A great help to me in crafting responses to high conflict people has been the work of Bill Eddy. Here is a link to free articles and resources that have helped me learn how to navigate some difficult situations that are a part of my life package at the moment. I have also learned to use the BIFF method of quickly and concisely responding to messages like you describe.

https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/blog

I am also wishing you so much relief as you move!

[Seeking_Peace]

I'd go with a Medium Chill response as devoid of content as possible. Maybe something like, "Oh? I haven't noticed any distracted behavior on my end." Playing dumb can go a long way with PDs. 

And I'm wishing you all the luck on the move and the legal stuff!

Ohh, I love this. I did not respond to it directly, but allowed LO to proceed with the call.
Seemingly this non-response has returned us to the hoovering stage. I suppose I'll enjoy the calm before the (legal) storm! 

[Seeking_Peace]

A great help to me in crafting responses to high conflict people has been the work of Bill Eddy.

Thanks so much for the support and resources! I have been looking for a site like this with examples.

Inevitably, I never responded to the text, and suddenly the calls have become friendly and nice. I'm riding the wave until the legal documents are served, as I'm sure it will cause a massive uproar.