STBX's ghosting, attempts at control, and our legal battle

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I had a crazy day today.   Even after being Out of the FOG for months, therapy, and gaining knowledge, I still get caught up -

My STBX is definitely ghosting me and I couldn't really understand.  I mean why?  Even with simple questions, I would get no reply.  To my rational mind, I just was confused, so I'd keep trying to get an answer.  So simple yet I couldn't see how he was gaining control and I was feeding his narcissist supply.  I watched a lot of Dr. Ramani's video's on You Tube and it helped me understand the why now.

We have a meeting scheduled with the judge for our divorce Monday.  All he had to do, was provide some Social Security information.  Easy, right?  And, the judge said she'd impose a penalty if he doesn't.  Silly me, I thought he get the information.  Because any rational person would want to avoid going in front of the judge without the information.  Nope - he enjoyed the ghosting, made some ridiculous requests, and even lied about the financials.  And again, why lie?  Because I can prove him wrong in a second.  Why waste the time?  Because he feels like he is in control - he keeps making ridiculous demands and my lawyer keeps expecting me to answer.  I keep telling her that he enjoys the chaos.  It's so frustrating - but only because I am not able to let go.  I need to detach (detach again - few steps forward, few back) and trust in myself and what knowledge and sanity I can bring to my case.  Stop reacting to his case, and just focus on mine. 

My plan on Monday is to just be quiet and trust my lawyer (ugh, can't believe I wrote that and even have to do it, I am not a fan of lawyers, but they are part of the game....).  I am going to have documents, printed emails, timelines, etc...  And, I am going to write a brief and factual paragraph in case I can say something - again, sticking to the facts and making a request - which is to get this done with.  I probably won't even need all that, but I want to be 110% prepared just in case - and so the judge can see that about me.

I also suspect that the ghosting is because he is working on another "supply" or may even have one already.  I'm okay with that because maybe it'll help move this divorce along.  I'm sad for the "supply" because they are in for a wild and tragic ride, but there is nothing I can do to help the next victim. 

First time in 5 months that our 17 year old son is going to spend the night at his dad's place - but only, because his father needs him to watch the dog/cat because he is going away for a night.  Our son totally doesn't see how this just isn't right -  my STBX has really become a pathetic father, not sure my son sees that yet.   

My earlier mantra to my self regarding communicating with my STBX, is to ask - is the question/sharing information worth feeding his narcissistic supply?  I need to use this strategy again, it really helped to keep me on track.

We'll see how Monday goes

[notrightinthehead]

Listen to some positive affirmations, suitable for you, on YouTube or Kristin Neff whenever the anxiety rises. Be as calm as you possibly can. You got this! Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Thank you for your recommendations, I've followed your advice before, so helpful