Hi from a widower

[vulcanize]

Greetings everyone

My undiagnosed with BPD spouse (she checked all the cluster B traits boxes) passed away last month.
She did not wake up on one Saturday morning and we (my three sons and I) are still awaiting all the reports for sake of closure.
In 2008, I was told by a counselor that am co-dependent and had been meaning to come to this forum a long time ago but it never materialized due to her refusing to seek any sort of counseling or therapy and everything has always been my fault.
After being together for thirty years, of which we were married for twenty three and a half, am looking for ways and means to move forward in her absence.
Thank you.

[hhaw]

Hi, V.

Welcome and please consider finding co dependent meetings in your area to get yourself 3d support. 

You might find some really nice people to boot.

[SonofThunder]

Hello Vulcanize,

First, a warm welcome to Out of the FOG.  You are among a large worldwide group of caring individuals.  We all walk the PD experience trail together and in varied stages along the path, some with experiences such as death of a PD spouse.  Im glad you are here and I look forward to having you join us in forum topic board conversations, so pull up a chair around the Out of the FOG campfire and join in the conversations.  You will find yourself among friends.  😊

Second, my condolences on the loss of your wife and for your children in the loss of their mother.  I am not in therapy myself, but the combination of grief and decades of PD drama and trauma may perhaps warrant finding a trauma specialized therapist.  If you desire to focus on understanding and self-healing with regard to your PD experiences, i will surely recommend the tabs at the top of every page on this site, especially the Personality Disorders and Toolbox tabs. 

I will keep you and your family in thought and prayer for comfort in the grieving and then some clarity for you as you move forward.  See you around the boards. 

SoT

[vulcanize]

Thank you for the warm welcome and kind replies.

I am currently attending CODA meetings that happen "in person" regularly at a location which is almost an hour's drive away. Reading self help books on BPD for quite a while has helped immensely.

Looking forward to meeting a "helpful" psychologist/psychiatrist who will assist in breaking the trauma bond and moving forward because I have mostly had terrible counselors since 2008 (while jumping through hoops trying to get out of a 911 call arrest, made by her accusing me of beating my oldest  child with a belt).

Only one person was spot on when she understood my scenario. but unfortunalely she has moved and can't be located.

Keeping fingers crossed.

Thanks once again and have a wonderful weekend.