Need to start Journaling again

[11JB68]

Realized today that I should start Journaling again.  I've been using some toolbox tools at home and so things have been less dramatic with updh.
BUT the issues are still there.... and without Journaling it's too easy for me to lose track and forget/miss patterns.
I feel like the last 3 weekends we've "argued " about stuff and that each of these weekends has ended up feeling bad for me.  But today I couldn't quite remember what the issue was last week...
Also he is back to being stressed/ worried about money....I need to be vigilant with this....I fell into a pattern of allowing him to decide to spend, thinking he would reciprocate.... but now finding that is but the case.  Also.... maybe this should be a separate post.... he had me labeling things in our quicken a certain way... so that each expense was assigned to one of us.... then a few weeks ago he changed the system... which irritated me because it was becoming clear that a lot of the spending "belongs " to him. I don't want to sound paranoid but I think he started this originally to make a point,  and I'm guessing when he Realized it was proving the opposite he decided to change it!
Now I wish I had run a report before he changed it... again,  my vigilance had slipped.

[square]

I'm sorry to hear things are difficult for you again, JB.

[SonofThunder]

I'm sorry to hear things are difficult for you again, JB.

+1

"....I think he started this originally to make a point,  and I'm guessing when he Realized it was proving the opposite he decided to change it!"

I would not consider your statement "paranoid" as it fits classic PD projection, therefore you are being very aware and insightfully wise.

SoT

[rainintheface2023]

Sorry to hear that your weekends have been though but good on you to implement the toolbox and start journaling again. Really need to do this myself as well. How do you guys journal? I feel a bit scared when it's discovered by accidentally leaving the browser open or something like that.

[square]

My take on what you're dealing with is that you are trying to work within his defined parameters. You are trying to figure out how you can get your needs met while meeting his definition of "fair" and "reasonable."

But his parameters are broken. What is fair and reasonable to him are not concepts that exist externally to him, in a way that could be applied equally and consistently across time or toward himself as well as others.

Is he as worried about meeting your parameters?

Who made him the sole arbiter of what is fair or right?

I know you fear his reaction if you don't conform/comply. But before you tackle that step, can you see, really and truly see, not just intellectually but down to your bones, that his stuff is illogical, ridiculous, silly, and not worth *any* of your effort to meet?

Maybe there is something inside you stopping you from that. Maybe you feel like feeling that way would sever the tie between you and your husband, who I assume you love despite everything.