Disappointed to realize I'm in a hollow relationship with uPDh

[Gwendolyn]

Hello everyone.

Years of marriage to a clinically depressed and anxious H has been wearing me down. Admitting this to myself has been a long time coming.  I have been perusing this forum for approximately a year before joining today.  I admire everyone here.  Today I have no real desire to make big  changes to my living arrangements.  I have been training myself to apply MC and Grey Rock and no JADE for quite some time.  I now have a superficial and mostly cordial relationship with uPDh.  Coming Out of the FOG is a long process and I know this isn't the marriage I had hoped for when I married him.  It hurts to realize what has become of us.  Today I am greatful to know more about FOG and personality disorders because it has helped me recognize patterns and become less reactive.   I don't think I could have absorbed this revelation earlier in our marriage (that long term clinical depression is a Personality disorder or at least a distortion of his previous personality) .  It breaks my heart.  I am practicing good selfcare and have a compassionate therapist who understands trauma, dysfunctional families and cptsd.  Currently I am in a period of reflection and personal growth and I am cultivating a strong support network which has improved my overall mood and my self-motivation.

Detaching with love and knowing I have tried my best is where I am at right now.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am looking forward to your posts! Sounds like you are in a reasonably good space for now. I am glad you joined our supportive and informative community on our journey to healing.

[Gwendolyn]

Thanks for the welcome,notrightinthehead.

Could I ask you a question?  Is there a personal journal section somewhere on this site? I thought someone might have mentioned that in the past.

Yes I'm in a surprisingly good place as the scales fall from my eyes. I'm not taking too much personally anymore and believe I am ready for some new awareness and energy to guide me.  Kind regards to you on your journey as well.

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG.

I am glad you have officially joined the community. How wise to be building a strong support system around yourself and to be focusing on self care. It can take quite a toll to live with someone with such serious mental health issues. I am so sorry you are facing this in your marriage.

To answer your question... we don't have a space for personal journaling, but we do have Unsent Letter and Unrecieved Letter Boards that may be worth checking out.

I hope you find your time here encouraging and validating. I will see you out there on the boards!

[Gwendolyn]

Thanks for the link to unsent letters.