Confused

[AbuseSurvivor]

I started getting sick when I started dating my now husband 16 years ago, fatigue, brain fog, IBS, chronic pain, etc. It's gotten so bad that I can't work and am dependent on my covertly narcissistic husband. I have CPTSD both from my past as well as this relationship. I've behaved narcissistically. It started as soon as we started dating. I would apologize and be open and vulnerable about why I was behaving like my narcissistic mother. I tried to fix myself. I've gone completely crazy in this relationship. I've completely lost my identity; I don't even know who I am anymore.

How do I get well so I can get a job so I can be independent when I don't know what's making me sick?  If it's both my CPTSD and his abuse that is making me sick, why am I not seeing a decrease in my symptoms as I'm trying to heal from my past as well as gain knowledge regarding covert narcissism?

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am sorry you are unwell, and I am sorry you had to find us and glad you did.
As a start I recommend to read the Toolbox and start implementing strategies that are suitable for your situation. You might also benefit from reading "Stop caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist" by Fjelstad. It would also be good if you could find real life support such as therapy or a self help group. Check out Co Dependents Anonymous They have online groups and maybe even one near you. Getting Out of the FOG is a slow process and you have started now! 
People on this forum are all on different stages of healing and you will be understood and supported. See you around on the boards.

[AbuseSurvivor]

Welcome! I am sorry you are unwell, and I am sorry you had to find us and glad you did.
As a start I recommend to read the...and start implementing strategies that are suitable for your situation. You might also benefit from reading "Stop caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist" by Fjelstad. It would also be good if you could find real life support such as therapy or a self help group. Check out Co Dependents Anonymous They have online groups and maybe even one near you. Getting Out of the FOG is a slow process and you have started now! 
People on this forum are all on different stages of healing and you will be understood and supported. See you around on the boards.

Thanks for your support and help.

[square]

If it's both my CPTSD and his abuse that is making me sick, why am I not seeing a decrease in my symptoms as I'm trying to heal from my past as well as gain knowledge regarding covert narcissism?

Have you been experiencing a decrease in abuse?

The knowledge is helpful and can be the start of change but knowledge won't shield you from the effects of any abuse.

I can identify with some of your situation - chronic illness and being dragged down. Stick around, read around, post.

[AbuseSurvivor]

Have you been experiencing a decrease in abuse?

The knowledge is helpful and can be the start of change but knowledge won't shield you from the effects of any abuse.

I can identify with some of your situation - chronic illness and being dragged down. Stick around, read around, post.

Good point. Thanks for your advice.

[AbuseSurvivor]

user, Thanks for your support.