The cycle is so easy to see once the fog is lifted

[losingmyself]

I see the cycle of abuse. I knew it was there, but I'm not sure I recognized it so close to myself.
Right now we're in the idealization stage where he's just nice and sweet, figuring that I will just play along.
Sure, I'll play along, it's easier to plan my exit if he's calm and nice.  I do not feel any guilt over it at all. I still feel fear, mostly of the confrontation, because that's not in my constitution, but I am making efforts to move it along.

"After everything I do for you"   He just said that last night.
Waaaa....

[SonofThunder]

I see the cycle of abuse. I knew it was there, but I'm not sure I recognized it so close to myself.
Right now we're in the idealization stage where he's just nice and sweet, figuring that I will just play along.
Sure, I'll play along, it's easier to plan my exit if he's calm and nice.  I do not feel any guilt over it at all. I still feel fear, mostly of the confrontation, because that's not in my constitution, but I am making efforts to move it along.

"After everything I do for you"   He just said that last night.
Waaaa....

Hi losingmyself,

SO glad to read you are able to fully identify the cycle stage in which your PD resides!  Imo, the 🔺drama triangle operates independently within the larger IDD cycle as the sheepdog to keep the IDD cycle herd continuing on in the PD's intended direction.  So even in idealization, expect those annoying heel-bites and body-bumps of the 🔺sheepdog (like the persecutor/victim comment he made), as they attempt to steer you toward devaluation, to attempt obtaining full compliance once again. 

When you still don't comply, hopefully you will be fully ready in your plans, or very thick-skinned in full awareness as you continue forward.  Imo, with your full awareness and boundaries on yourself, the idealization stage may be much shorter than experienced in a previous period, when you may have been less aware of the particular stage of the cycle. 

Lastly, for me, once non-compliance finally led to the discard stage, both discard and devaluation occurred somewhat together, with heavy discard and emotionally hurtful, manipulative devaluation episodes, as a special cocktail of PD punishment.  PD's will find supply from somewhere and/or someone, so imo, keep your senses sharp for projection and smoke-screening to help guide you. 

I simply state all this in encouragement of your continued progress and fortitude.  Will be keeping you in thought and prayer as you move smartly and steadily forward with your plans during this calm period.

SoT

[losingmyself]

Thanks, SOT.
I think you're right that the idealization phase will be shorter, because I'm not buying into it. He keeps trying to get me to agree to 'moving forward' things, like home improvement ideas, going on adventures, buying big tickets items, etc.  My response is always the same "Nah, I'm good." I recognize that these things are just traps for him to hold against me when I don't comply with his - "After everything I do for you"-crap.
I think he might be getting discouraged with my lack of enthusiasm about anything he brings up.
I have to be honest, though, it takes some of the wind out of my sails when he acts nice. My anger goes down and that's a good excuse for me to do nothing. Maybe he realizes this. Probably, now that I write it.
But, much like being served a food that you really don't like, it doesn't make you like it any more if it's served on a pretty plate...I can still see what it is.

[SonofThunder]

I recognize that these things are just traps for him to hold against me when I don't comply with his - "After everything I do for you"-crap.

I think he might be getting discouraged with my lack of enthusiasm about anything he brings up.

Yes, you surely see it and can stay one step ahead.  Im happy for you, but I know its a terrible experience. 

Imo, he will amplify his 🔺 'victim'  mantra because of your 🔺'persecutor' refusal to accept his (bar-raising) facade of acting like a 🔺'rescuer', by assigning you requirements and therefore responsibility for "moving forward".  That 🔺sheepdog will guide the IDD cycle right into the heavy devaluation stage for your non-compliance during the idealization stage's to-do assignment by the PD.

Omg, been here SO many times.  Wishes for you in your strong implementation of plans.  Hang in there losingmyself, you know the cycle well! 👊

SoT