I know I shouldn't have but...

[Associate of Daniel]

I know, I know.  Don't look at the social media of the Upds.

I don't often.  My uNPD exH's is set to private so I can't see any of his posts unless I request to follow.  Which I won't do.

His uNPD wife's is public though, and I very occasionally sneak a peek.  She rarely posts anything.

For some reason this week I became curious as to when she first started her account.  So I looked it up.

The first thing I noticed is that she's changed her profile picture.  Before it was a photo of her with a big toothy grin.

Now it's a photo of her and my son on her wedding day to my uNPD exH.  He was quite small in those days (8 years ago), so you can only see her lower half holding him to her. It's a beautiful photo of him in his little wedding outfit.

But seriously, am I the only one who thinks it's inappropriate to have a photo of your stepson as your profile picture on social media?  I guess I should be thankful it's no longer her staring at me.

Anyway, it seems she started the account a month after my financial settlement with my uNPD exH. (Now her H).  I had literally, the month before, handed him a cheque for nearly $100,000 and removed him from any responsibility for the remainder of the home loan.  He had just moved in with her into her flat, or maybe was just about to.  He had no debt (except his credit card) and moved into her swanky city apartment.

Guess what her first posts on the account were?  A trip that I had no idea had occurred to what looks to be Hawaii, or some such place. He and I were still married.

Wow.  Just... I know nothing should surprise me after all these years.  But I am rather speechless.

It's not that I want any of the swanky holidays, cars, apartments, clothes, restaurants, 6 figure incomes etc that they have and do.  It's just the unfathomableness of their behaviour. (is that a word?) How can they or anyone think that it's ok?

Maybe I shouldn't look at her social media.  But it's kind of been a good thing - a reminder of the reality of their personalities and of why I want nothing to do with them. (Except maybe to spy on their social media accounts!)

AOD

[SeaBreeze]

I understand. I peeked at ex-uNPDh's profile a few times before completely cutting ties after DD turned 19. It was an interesting study in triangulation: shortly after his 4th marriage was annulled, exH then changed his profile pic to him kissing immediately-married 5th wife, and the cover photo to him at a certain landmark with his current stepson. Knowing what I know now about ex-uNPDh and PDs in general, I'm pretty sure the kissy photo was a dig at his 4th ex (smart lady, she exited faster than any of his wives to date).

And... the location of the photo with his stepson is -- I'm pretty/mostly sure -- a hurtful dig at me, based on a very bad incident at the same location with ex and oldest DS (I was the first wife, and my DS was ex's first stepson). It struck me that our shared DD was now an adult, while exH and I had  been divorced at that point for 16 years (now 25 years), so why was I doing this to myself? (Yes, it was eye-opening but still plain old morbid curiosity on my part.) I blocked exH's profile and stopped speaking to him altogether, and have not looked back.

I am still in the thick of dealing with my 2nd husband of 24 years, also uNPD, and in retrospect, H posted photos of us online during our first months together not only to lovebomb me, but to triangulate against his ex-gf before me. Makes me sick to realize I was used like that. Wish I'd recognized it for what it was back then!!!

In short -- block and unfollow can be important steps toward healing. Or like audiences will often yell at horror movies: "Do not go in there!" 

[Srcyu]

You're human aren't you? That's why you did it.

Do you know it's possible to trace who has looked on your Facebook profile? Something about downloading an extender. I know it's true from personal experience.

That knowledge might help you not to go back again.

[Associate of Daniel]

I had wondered about whether or not she could see who had looked at her account.  I'm not on Facebook and can't access her's except for there photos she put up several years ago that seem to be for public access.  All of them are photos of her wedding to my uNPD exH.

The social media platform I referred to in my post was Instagram.

It surprises me that she doesn't post more often.  She is extremely busy but I would have thought that her need for adulation and attention would lead her to post more often.

Anyway.

AOD